This post is part of the Protect Me Series
When I attended the Black Women’s Expo in Chicago this past April, I listened in on a great panel about how to deal with breakups. One of the panelists was author and speaker Eddie Rogers II. His candid talk and motivational tone helped make the discussion a success and I had to follow up with him for this series. This is the first half of the full interview on what it means to protect your significant other in a dating and marital relationship.
B.L.I.S.S.: What does protection mean for married people?
ER: In marriage, the obvious thing is to make sure that each other is safe, but that’s kind of instinct. Mentally, I emphasize in my book that you have to know the person in detail; not just [treat them] as a prop or a trophy. When people have that tag-along mentality, they don’t feel that it’s necessary to get involved in detail with their spouse. Therefore you don’t know who’s standing there next to you.
If you don’t know how a person is affected day to day or how much they strive, you can’t protect them mentally. For example at the Auto Show, there are some vehicles that they protect to the point that it’s almost not worth having there because of the value placed on it.
“That comes down to keeping that item in good condition, and in order for spouses to protect each other mentally, physically, spiritually, they have to know what it is that they are protecting.”
A reason that a lot of people in relationships don’t do that is because one of the parties didn’t expose to the other what needs protecting, or the other spouse didn’t do enough research on their partner to see what it is that they are guarding. The Secret Service knows that they are not doing work at the bowling alley on a Friday night; their job is to protect the President. And it’s the President’s job and others to let them know that they are protecting him and not just anyone.
What does it look like for a man to protect a woman?
It doesn’t mean trying to be a bully to whoever looks her way, it’s more about deciphering what’s really danger and what’s just life. It’s not putting on a show and trying to stick your chest out. When it comes to spiritually protecting your woman, you want to know her morals, values, and goals. We have to know what their spiritual expectations—what they’re trying to accomplish—and see how we can get them reach that potential. It’s looking out for a person. Some people are very religious and have specific habits, so on a spiritual level, then you have a responsibility as their spouse to help them or get out of the way.
[bctt tweet=”A man protecting his woman makes sure that she’s comfortable, that she’s enjoying life and that she’s safe…” username=”bliss_bcs”]
A man protecting his woman makes sure that she’s comfortable, that she’s enjoying life and that she’s safe. Threatening every man that comes across your woman is not properly covering your woman. “He may be trying to protect his ego or his reputation but that’s not what protecting a woman looks like.” On one occasion I was with my girl (wife) and I went to the restroom while we were at a lounge. I come back and there’s a man talking to her. I didn’t know who the guy was but she reached out for my hand and held my hand while she continued her conversation.
On another occasion, it was a guy who was talking to her, she reached for and held my hand and the man walked away. Now the first man was just looking to be social but the second guy might have been trying to get a phone number. I just stuck by her close, I didn’t have to say anything, I didn’t overreact or isolate her from the crowd because that’s not what protecting a woman looks like.
What does it look like for a woman to protect a man? What are men expecting from their woman?
Men don’t like to be aggravated. We got a lot going on; we’ve got to watch out for other men who try to test each other’s manhood and be macho for no reason, there’s the physical labor, etc. So women should know what their man’s triggers are. Protect his mood from changing by helping him or allowing him to vent.
As far as protecting him in marriage socially, knowing what a person’s triggers are help you to keep your mate in a good mood, to keep him comfortable. There’s a strong change when a man’s mood changes and it affects the other people around him. Any woman can be a wife, but you have to be stable so that your man doesn’t go over a cliff with the stresses of life. Watching his mood can cover a lot of things in a relationship.
What is a common thing that couples fail to do for each other when it comes to protecting one another?
The first thing that comes to mind is feelings. Men don’t say it a lot, but men’s mood is also attached to their feelings. In this case, it’s more about protecting feelings from each other. It’s being cognizant of what the other person is feeling and essentially not making things worse. Protect their feelings by paying attention to your significant other and you’ll be better able to anticipate their needs.
Again it goes back to sharing with your partner what needs to be protected. The reason it’s necessary to share the details is that your partner is going to be involved in the details at some point, so share what makes you tick, what bothers you or changes your mood and seek to know those answers from your partner.
In our next post, Eddie shares some common misconceptions on protection between couples.
Eddie L. Rogers II is an author with an intuitive, progressive and productive writing style. He incorporates insight, experience and information to create potent content for books and essays made available via the WordGardener division of his company Creaternity, Inc. Eddie is on the move bringing his current literature to life as a speaker, panel member and by facilitating discussions.
His current books Relationship starts with “RELATE”: Ending suffering in relationships and Some Afterthoughts and AfterSHOCKS are making a healthy impact on the hearts and minds of the readers!
Eddie is a husband, a parent, has a B.A. in both Psychology and Mathematics, has worked for 12 years in social services and is dedicated to making sure that Creaternity, Inc. is a SUCCESS!
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