No matter if you’re dating now or haven’t dated in some time, there are going to be times when you’re hit with doubt. For any believer, we have the privilege to call on God who will gladly renew our mindsets in Christ Jesus (Ephesians 4:20-24). We also have the God-given authority to bring any thoughts that are not of Him into captivity (2 Corinthians 10:5).
With those #facts in mind, we have some common doubts in dating that men and women think or have thought about. With the right perspective, you can see things in God’s view versus a worldly viewpoint or old way of thinking:
1) “My ex got engaged/married before me, I lost out.”
Renewed mind (RM): “I’m glad they found love and I pray it’s in God’s will. I have peace knowing that God’s best fit for me is ahead of me, not behind me.”
2) “I’m old now, who would want me?”
RM: “I’m more mature in what I want now than when I was in my earlier years. There is still time and hope for me for love and companionship.” A renewed mind in Christ permeates into everything that we do. Our desires and tastes will change for God’s will over our own. So our desire for love and companionship may show up in our lives in forms that we were not open to before because of limited thinking, pride, entitlement, etc.
3) “I’ve been single for so long!”
RM: “The time I’ve had to focus on my wants and needs has been worth it. I’m not going to waste time or settle for anything less than what I deserve.”
(Get more perspective shifts in my book, Journey to 30: A Single Woman’s Guide to Living Unapologetically Without Deadlines)
4) “I wasted my time on the wrong person.”
RM: “This was a learning lesson for me. Whether it was to be obedient to God or discern the red flags, I’m glad I was able to walk away when I did. I believe God will restore the years I lost in the next relationship, one He will choose for me.”
5) “I don’t know if he/she is the one…”
RM: “But they could be a friend, an assignment, a connection.” Don’t go into dating someone based off of their potential for marriage—simply because you don’t know them yet. Initially go into dating them to assess if they are worth getting to know and to understand where they are as a human.
6) “Everyone is getting married and having kids except for me.”
RM: “Although it seems like everyone is glowing and being blessed in this season, I will pass the tests that God is bringing my way and I will celebrate with those who are celebrating. My day will come too, so I will sow into others now and by faith will reap a reward for serving and being happy for others and not bitter.”
7) “I doubt I’ll find someone like who I’ve had in the past…”
RM: “What I’ve experienced will fade in comparison to what God has for me, because I believe that my best is ahead of me, as is says in Romans 8:18-21. Meanwhile, the joyful anticipation deepens.” (Check out the Message version of this selection)
8) “I don’t think I’m ready to date.”
RM: “I’m going to take this time to get my healing, get to know myself better and prepare for what I’m praying for in a mate. Fear will not hold me back when it’s the right time to date again.”
9) “If our courtship doesn’t lead to marriage I’ll feel like a failure.”
RM: “Courtship doesn’t have to lead to marriage. I’m grateful for the experience to learn how to evaluate a potential spouse for my life. Marriage is not an idol in my life—I will not be desperate and settle for less to say that I’m married. What God has for me is for me, in Jesus’ name!”
10) “After all I’ve done, I feel like I don’t deserve love or God’s best for me.”
RM: “Whatever I’ve done in my past has no impact on God’s unconditional love for me. I’ve repented of my past ways and I’m no longer walking in condemnation. I am loved, purposed and redeemed by my savior Jesus Christ! I’m letting go of my past to make room for a better future by faith.”
I pray that these statements of faith will come to mind when you experience doubt. As you get into the Bible and remember scriptures for your life, you’ll be able to apply God’s truth to combat the lies and attacks of the enemy! God is for us and provides for us in the wait, keep holding onto Him and His promises.
This is a great way to frame this! Thank you. I needed to read this. Dating is a struggle but this reminds me to think about sucky situations differently.
Thanks for reading, Kierra! We will think and do better!