3 all too common ways singles settle in dating

I listen to content about relationship advice and a lot of the problems that come up in the questions have a lot to do with one’s self esteem, boundaries, and settling for less. Whether you’re currently dating or not, I would strongly advise that you, me, we make the decision to not settle for less in dating this season.

I say that a lot on this platform to the point that I feel like I don’t have to say it, but I understand that none of us should get too comfortable in our stance and confidence in this area. What I mean is that in one season you may be curving counterfeits left and right, and then in another season feel totally isolated and vulnerable to the attacks and temptations of the enemy. These things happen, and can catch any one of us off guard.

“If you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall. The temptations in your life are not different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, He will show you a way out so that you can endure.” 1 Corinthians 10:12-13 NLT

This scripture addresses that we aren’t above being tempted in things that we even have passed tests in before. It also says that we have a guaranteed way out of temptation through the Lord’s help. With that I will share a few ways that we can be on the lookout for settling for less in some common yet subtle dating scenarios below:

Controlling behaviors

This is a very common issue in male-female relationships. An example of this is when a boyfriend has a problem with his girlfriend going out with her friends (whom he has even met) and demands she return home at a certain time. Some of us have experienced this or been through this. Controlling behavior starts in very minute things that the man or woman would use to test you to see if you will do what they say. You have a voice and you have your own wants; you have a right to express them and not compromise them to appease someone’s selfish ways.

Romantic relationships should be partnerships, with both parties expressing and getting what they need, not one side meeting the needs of another only. Don’t settle for someone who treats you like their child, a subordinate, or like the ex they haven’t forgiven yet. Know the difference between healthy compromise and being in a controlling environment.

Read more: 6 Signs to tell that you’re dating out of lack

No priorities

If you a desire to date with the purpose of getting married, then you have to have certain priorities in order for yourself and require of the person you’re dating. If they are not focused on preparing themselves for marriage, developing the fruits of the Spirit, being a present and good friend to the other people in their life, you just might be settling.

If you have a desire to be married make sure you bring that up in the beginning because not everyone wants the same thing as you or even in the same time frame. Some of us want the same things, but it may not be as high on the priority list as yours. That’s fair, but you don’t have to stick around for someone to come eventually come around either. Don’t let attraction and emotions make the decisions, Imma need you to think!

Not equally yoked

As much as we say don’t enter a relationship with someone you’re not equally yoked to, it still happens. It’s bigger than one area of faith, which is already a big deal, but being on the same page in other important life factors can indicate whether this relationship is worth keeping. How do you know if you and the person you’re dating are equally yoked spiritually, financially, mentally, emotionally, etc.? You have to ask questions, observe and discern.

I think what keeps us staying in unequally yoked dates and relationships are partly to do with what we think is potential. It’s actually a better idea to see this person for where they currently are and ask if the qualities in question line up with yours. If your partner doesn’t value work but you do, don’t settle. If you like serving in church and they don’t like church, then don’t try force them—don’t settle. If they don’t treat you how you treat yourself or would desire to be treated by your mate, don’t settle for less.

There are plenty of other examples of settling, but I encourage you to continue to get to know God so you have a better understanding of His desires for you (which are pretty awesome, by the way) and get to know yourself. These are great ways to help you when you come across the temptation to settle for less in dating and relationships.

Have you ever settled for less in dating? What did you learn from that experience? Share below!