What does success mean to you? Would you be honest and share what was the first thought that came to mind with the word success? For some of you it may be a nice house or car. It may be marriage. To some it may be a family. To others it may be prosperity in finances.
The truth is that success is very much subjective but society as a whole has made success dependent upon a very few limited things. As if it was a checklist, we are taught to regard certain outward markers as the characteristics of a successful person. I was led to bring up three categories that cover our experiences in this life.
Below we will share how success by today’s standards is not working for each of these categories and if there are any changes being made in them or what we can do to remain focused on what it is we were made to do to become successful in our own terms.
Success and your purpose as a single person
I rarely see anything that names a single person being successful that doesn’t include obtaining a degree, having a good job or launching a business. Success and singleness often does not include our love life, it’s always the “but.” “So-and-so is a successful person in their career, but they are still single.” So society’s definition of a single person is working in a well paying job and dating around or in a relationship.
This so called definition of success is failing us for several reasons: we are putting unnecessary stress and pressure on people to fit a box that wasn’t suited for them. This breeds competition and comparison. This puts relationships and marriage on an idolatrous altar. This makes singles rush into something they are not ready for.
I have grown to learn that being “not single” is not a marker of success. Being single and knowing your why, not being pressured by society to obtain a relationship so your life is “complete” is one marker of success as a single person.
I’d also add that perhaps being successful as an unmarried person is not settling for less than you deserve, taking care of your personal issues and development, or simply being active in working on becoming an individual, whole and not taking your internalized frustrations out on others through the wrong life decisions.
Success in the Black community
According to the world’s definition of success, our community has been lied to. We were often showed success was only material possessions like designer clothing, luxury vehicles and large homes, but no legacy to leave behind to the generation after us. In the Black community, success has also been shown as “getting out the ‘hood” and making a life outside of where you grew up in.
However, there are some if not many in our community who are called and passionately purposed to give back to their neighborhoods that they grew up in. I believe there are more of those in this Millennial generation than before. I have witness friends and colleagues run for public office in their respective communities, host fundraisers and give back events, and create businesses in underrepresented/overlooked areas that they came from or know people in.
One person’s success doesn’t always mean your failure. Someone else’s success is leaving the hood while another’s is building a business in their hood. Not everyone is going to be someone like Nipsey Hussle who created opportunities for those in his hometown hood. Some of us will successfully reach out and mentor children in these areas through organizations or schools. Some of us will give back in donations. Success in the Black community is transitioning from what we were told it’s supposed to be (selfish) to what we are taking responsibility for in our own way for the benefit of our people (selfless).
Success in the world vs. success to God
Success in the world suggests that one must be rich, famous and have a lot of covetous possessions to be successful. But God’s word doesn’t show us that. Christians can obtain wealth, fame, etc. but those are not the believer’s markers of success. They can be a byproduct if they come, but success in our lives is tied to Who we serve.
“True success as a believer is obeying God and living in His will for your life.” –Juliette Bush
Success in the world has failed us because it doesn’t even include God. That’s why it’s important to not be influenced by the world but rather be an influence in the world for God’s glory. This may be the most personal category in this discussion because each of our paths are different.
It will save you a lot of headache and frustration by focusing on what God called you to do and doing it fearlessly instead of being distracted by your brothers and sisters getting their blessings and promotions before you. Your time will come for whatever it is God has promised you, keep the course and know that it will come to pass.
“Commit your plans to the Lord and you will succeed.” Proverbs 16:3 NLT
“Observe the requirements of the LORD your God, and follow all his ways. Keep the decrees, commands, regulations, and laws written in the Law of Moses so that you will be successful in all you do and wherever you go.”
1 Kings 2:3 NLT
