Have you ever grown up with the idea that marriage was all about the Happily Ever After? Me too! Our generation was practically raised on this theme, from Disney movies to romance novels to now social media pages.
But for those of us who have come to some hard truths and realizations about marriage, we have seen plenty of the real on marriage that we have removed the idealistic expectations off the pedestal in our minds.
Over the years I’ve had some “aha” moments about marriage, and in my single season, I’m grateful to God that I’ve learned them know. What about you? Maybe you can relate to some of these truths below:
Marriage doesn’t complete you
This is obvious to some, but let me tell you! Don’t think you’re so wise that you end up having this behavior through subconscious acts. For example, I say that I know that marriage doesn’t complete me, read the books, yasss to the memes on social media, but if I don’t address whatever void is in my heart that I will try to solve with marriage (loneliness, validation, etc.) then my actions are going to show up to prove what I said was false.
Don’t sweep things under the rug assuming marriage will resolve them or complete you in some way. If anything that rug will be ripped from under you. And prayerfully that happens. Don’t hold in ungodly expectations for your future spouse to fulfill that only God can take care of. Don’t put off whatever you could be doing to better yourself in your right now.
You’re marrying a human, not a fantasy
We can read all the testimonies and watch all the inspirational videos, but your future spouse being real, like human human, is enough to bring many of our idealistic selves down to earth. You are not perfect and neither are they; and you will see that in full effect once you live together in marriage.
From habits to how you both want things a certain way in the house, to how you’ll share moments with someone who will see you for the real you: the unfiltered, not so flattering version of yourself that you hide from the world. Yeah, that version. And they have one too! That’s the beauty of godly marriage. That despite our faults and flaws, God’s example of unconditional love is present in the covenant of two humans learning to love and live together each day. Now that’s a sweet reality to work towards, but clinging to the fantasy of a perfect marriage will hurt us more than we think when reality hits.
The work on you doesn’t stop after I do
Like I said earlier, happily ever after comes off as an ending to one’s story, but the moment you say I do, it’s a new beginning. It’s not necessarily a state when you can relax your guards spiritually, for the enemy hates marriage as much as God hates divorce, and he will try to tear your marriage down. This is why the individual work that we need to take on before we get married is one of the priorities for an unmarried person. You will continue your journey of becoming more like Christ in your marriage, granted that you choose the best partner suitable for your life.
Marry someone who is willing to do the work on themselves too, who is not selfish, who is patient and genuinely encourages you to do your best and be your best. This includes being proactive and not reactionary to the ups and downs in life: loss of loved ones, raising children, job transitions, more/less money, health issues, etc. You will have to do the work together to make this marriage work. So no slacking, okay? Keep the prayers up and allow God to change you for the better as you help each other.
Your journey to and through marriage doesn’t have to be like anyone else
I definitely learned this in my twenties, as I was nowhere near really ready for marriage nor did I have someone suitable for me to marry. I have this faith theory that a lot of us who have come from broken homes are not married yet because God is working on us to get to the point to where we won’t make the marriage mistakes our parents did.
For some of us that requires time, others deliverance or being put in the presence of healthy marriages. God has not forgotten about you and your desire for marriage. He is way too creative to give you just anyone else’s story either.
Your single season is a testimony of God’s goodness.
Say whaaat? Yes, it is. Because God in His sovereignty kept you out of ungodly relationships. His Holy Spirit is guiding you and changing you. He is working on your heart and mind, preparing you for the assignment and ministry of marriage. God values you, your future spouse, and His creation of marriage. Let us respect His process and trust His timing, allowing Him to develop our story for a greater ending of one season and favored beginning of another. I prophecy this: your story is going to be like no one else’s and it’s going to give God the glory!
Have any of these lessons be aha moments for you too? Share your thoughts below!
