There is so much hope for 2020, a milestone leap year, the mark of a new decade, and a new crop of 30 year olds who were born in the 90s. While we search through our old photo albums to post in the #decadechallenge, there are some things that we can leave behind to make room for the next. Below are some mistakes in dating that we leave behind in the 2010s:
Entertaining red flags
Red flags are usually what sends off an alarm in your spirit or your gut to tell you to pay closer attention to something, run or otherwise. From inconsistencies in communication to lack of personal boundaries, you need to know what you will and will not tolerate in dating and follow through with that. Leave in the 2010s the mistake of looking past a red flag or two just so you can be entertained by someone to go out with. Please don’t waste your time with someone you know is not for you. The time you spend with them could be used in better places and with other people—just saying.
Read: “Don’t overlook those red flags in dating the first time
Staying in your dating comfort zone
This dating mistake is specific to my sistahs, as we have come face to face this past decade with the reality that some (not all) Black men are going to appreciate Black women in the way that we do towards them. As Sophia A. Nelson shared a while ago, “Go where the love is.” Now, this website is still Black Love & Inspiration for Saved Singles; however, for those of us in the United States, we are facing a more obvious shift in romance and race relations. If Black women hold out on love for a suitable Black man, we may miss our chance at real love that God may be sending our way in a different package. Challenge whatever comfort zones you may have about dating (except your values/faith) and be flexible to God’s introduction of who may be best for you.
Read: “To all the Black girls who’ve felt rejected by Michael B. Jordan”
Not learning to process what you’ve been through in healthy ways
Therapy and self care are not just late 2010s buzz words, they are key discussion topics within the Black Millennial space online and in person. We have to come to terms with the life that we wanted and didn’t have in this decade and be willing to lay that down at the feet of Jesus. Some of us wanted to get married by a certain time and it didn’t happen. Some didn’t see themselves breaking up and starting over, but we have seen it time and time again. I’ve seen a lot of social media friends and colleagues suffer through loss in the past year alone. Going through the baggage, facing your fears, addressing your past traumas are necessary components of walking in wholeness. We really have a shot at breaking generational curses in our family bloodlines. Whatever that issue is can stop with you. Taking the right steps to get healing, deliverance, and the right support will help us all go into the 2020s with more courage and self awareness.
Read: “Finding the faith to forgive yourself and others”
Trusting your flesh more than God’s spirit
God’s word is relevant for every season of our lives. In our frustration with how we want things to go and how we desire to live, we have to trust God’s plan for us over our flesh. I’ll be a volunteer and say that not all of my choices were Spirit-led, but I definitely remember the satisfaction of having obeyed God and seeing the results of that. More than ever, we can’t rely on ourselves, the world’s way of doing things, nor be distracted by how our peers are being “#blessed.” Not everything we see is what it seems; but for those of us who are willing to walk by faith and not by sight will receive more if we put our total trust in God. Remember this when potential baes disappear, when you find yourself trying to force a relationship to start, or if you’re trying to change someone you’re in a relationship with.
Read: More articles about Trusting God on BLISS
Making concessions for people who don’t truly value you
Finally, we have to start loving ourselves more and stop putting ourselves last in life and dating. Your happiness is a personal thing, and should not be at the whim of someone who is in/out of your life. People come and go in this life, but ultimately you are responsible for your happiness, everyone else either adds to it or takes away from it.
I have a sign in my room that says “Do more of what makes you happy.” It’s a decorative reminder that I can enjoy my quirkiness and things that make me smile without having to compromise them for other people. Haven’t you done enough of that already? As we prepare for whatever awaits in our future, be sure to find a reason to smile along the way. There are so many wholesome ways to do this on your own, so you can engage in a relationship that’s not codependent or toxic. Make room for God in your life and make room for the things that you enjoy, without having to water it down for a date.
Learning to date yourself this season? Download the 2019 self care eBook
I pray that you take some time as this year comes to a close to look over the love lessons that you’ve learned. God has so much in store for each of us on the other side, and this is a great time to do some self examining to make sure that what we’re only taking with us is what we need.
