Photo source: Facebook
The hit web show Red Table Talk premiered a new episode this week featuring the wives in the Curry family. Ayesha Curry, Sonya Curry, Sydel Curry ( Lee) and Callie Rivers (soon to be Curry) all had Jada, Willow and Adrienne of Red Table Talk into their North Carolina home for a discussion on marriage in the spotlight, anxiety, work-life balance and more.
“People think about the glory side of it (being married to someone who is famous), I don’t think people really understand what it takes for women to hold the positions that we have to hold, standing with our men,” show host Jada Pinkett Smith said to open the discussion. I think this was important to note it doesn’t only apply to women who are famous, but women in most areas of life when with a man who is a leader of some sort. Here are several of the pressures that the ladies discussed in the episode:
Pressure of “other women”
Jada asked the question about other women, groupies, etc. What Ayesha had to say seemed to hit the most with fans and people online once the episode aired. “Obviously you know the devil is a liar…the ladies will always be lurking, hoping for their moment…but for me, I honestly hate it. I don’t like to have to introduce myself, so I try to make that known,” Ayesha shared about not wanting to be left out of being introduced or better yet acknowledged when people approach her husband and her.
Oh, that’s a thing, believe me. I’ve witnessed it in church several times women joining churches and ministries to get closer to the pastor. The anointing, spotlight and power are all characteristics that people are attracted to, so women married to leaders in the church can face the pressure of women coming after their partner.
“A lot of women will get a bad rep for being gold diggers…you realize for procreation, men when they see beautiful women and beautiful bodies, they react—it’s a primal thing. When women see power, it’s the same thing. It’s not gold digging, it’s a primal response,” Jada explained about human nature and inclination to survive. I touched on this a bit in a recent post about gold digging here on the blog.
The pressure of being desirable
“[In] the past 10 years…I’ve had zero male attention …” Ayesha shared vulnerably with the table. “I don’t want it, but it would be nice to know that someone’s looking,” she continued but Jada reassured her that her radar to all of that attention is turned off and trust that if anyone knows who’s looking at her, it’s her husband, Steph.
This is not a new issue and men feel that way about themselves and their women too. I remembered a lyric from a throwback Omarion song “Entourage” where he sang: “At times, you steal the whole spotlight/I don’t mind, girl you’re fine, put a smile on my face/Besides, who want a chick that no dude would chase?”
The men who are online talking ill about Ayesha saying her truth would not want a woman they—or other men—weren’t attracted to. Men have a tendency to be competitive with one another, and you don’t think they (some) don’t compare their woman’s attractiveness? I’m saying here that desirability is attractive and may influence how your partner sees you, like in the lyrics just referenced. After being in a relationship or married for a long time, having kids, or other factors can affect how you feel about yourself and how you interpret the way your spouse sees you, which may be Ayesha’s case, but we don’t really know in full.
The pressure of “having it all”
Many people see the Currys as an upstanding family and because they have all this outward success that they should have no issues or want for anything. Are you kidding me? Didn’t P Diddy and ’em say “more money more problems”? Doesn’t the Bible say that those with riches permits them no sleep (Ecclesiastes 5:10-13)?
What not a lot of people were talking about on Twitter besides Ayesha’s comments, was that all the women at that table had some level of anxiety that they faced. I believe some of that comes with their status and being in the spotlight. Just because you are saved, doesn’t mean you don’t have any problems. Just because you are married doesn’t mean you won’t face problems. Just because you are rich, successful, have kids, not have kids…the list could go on.
The reality is that we all have human desires at our core being for attention, recognition, a sense of belonging. Ayesha or anyone else for that matter shouldn’t be shamed for that. God made us to relate to Him first and foremost, and to each other. In order to relate, we at times will share common feelings and experiences. From the single woman who feels overlooked to the wife and mother who wonders if she is still attractive to her husband, we can find common ground in our inner desires…if we’re honest.
Ayesha has not lost sleep over the hoopla on her statements on Red Table Talk as she shared this recent Instagram post:
