Black Love Role Models continues with my first international couple profiled on the blog! Peter and Jameela, both under 30, have been together for seven years. The Alberta, Canada residents shared with me their story and sound advice on maintaining their marriage.
BLISS: What did you do to prepare for marriage while in your single stages in life?
Jameela: I would say nothing. I don’t think that marriage is something you prepare for. I guess looking back it would have been nice to do some relationship counseling, but who is thinking about that at 19 or 20? Later in our relationship we learned about communication skills and other useful tools to use in a relationship, but before hand…nothing! Haha.
Peter: I would agree with what Jameela said. Just like a business, nothing can really prepare you for marriage. You just have to go into it with the knowledge that you are going to fail at certain things. Figure those things out quickly and never stop learning and trying to be a better.
Jameela: I think that before you are married you should be self-sufficient. Not to say you have to be a homeowner and all that stuff, but before Peter and I got together I had a job and my own car. I didn’t need Peter, I wanted him in my life.
You are going to fail at certain things. Figure those things out quickly and never stop learning and trying to be a better.
BLISS: Did you get help or advice from older married couples along your journey?
Jameela: We definitely got relationship counseling a year or so into our marriage. We also did talk to older couples and got a bunch of feedback during our engagement. The basic message is perseverance and communication. The most important of the two is communication!
BLISS: What is one thing in marriage that singles need to know before they say “I do”?
Jameela: That it is NOT EASY. Relationships are work; hard work. You have to work at it every single day. You have to work through problems and celebrate successes. Before you get married, you have to be ready to power through your differences and compromise.
There are going to be days when you are like “OMG Why did I ever do this?”, but most days you are going to be happy that you have a life partner. Just don’t think marriage will solve anything. If you are not sure if you have not solved big issues (children, travel, expectations at home), don’t waste your time getting married!
[bctt tweet=”Before you get married, you have to be ready to power through your differences and compromise.” username=”BLISS_BCS”]
Peter: Learning your partner’s communication style, how they liked to be loved and how they deal with conflict. These are the foundations of every good marriage and really understanding your partner will go a long towards making your marriage a successful one.
Relationships are work; hard work. You have to work at it every single day.
BLISS: What is a challenge that you see today that singles and even couples your age deal with when it comes to romantic relationships?
Jameela: I feel like a lot of friends my age are dating or just getting married. We really aren’t in the same place in life as Peter and I have two children. It seems like finding the right person is really hard for most people.
Peter: I would say not realizing that relationships/marriage is a lot of work and you are going to fail lots of times. This failure does not necessarily mean the end of the marriage. It could mean doing things that annoy your partner or vice versa or not understanding their communication style, etc. These are the things that truly test a relationship and if you expect things to be perfect or easy when you have partner, you are probably going to be disappointed.
Failure does not necessarily mean the end of the marriage.
BLISS: What is a great resource for married couples and those who want to be married to have in their lives?
Jameela: Love Languages is really helpful. Any book on communicating effectively is a great resource. I cannot emphasize the importance of communication; really digging down into the source of the problem that you are having.
Peter: To add to what Jameela said, I would suggest adding older couples to your network. I call them couple mentors. They just have so much knowledge and experience and are always willing to give you advice on how to make things work. You can find such mentors anywhere: your work, family friends, neighbors, etc. Just put in the effort to find them.
BLISS: Are there any cultural differences about life in Canada that you’d like to share?
Jameela & Peter: In Canada you definitely have to find creative things to do in the winter. It can get to -30 degrees Celsius up here. Finding something fun and indoors can be a challenge. In the summer, there are a ton of things to do: festivals, amusement parks, hiking (we live near the mountains), outdoor plays. Other than that, I don’t think we are that much different than the USA in terms of dating.
One thing that may differ is our “common-law” it varies from province-to-province (state-to-state), but basically if you are living with a person (not a roommate situation) for over a year or are living with someone you share a child with, you are considered common-law. Common-law couples are treated basically the same as married couples in terms of taxation and other property rights. It is a pretty sweet system for people who maybe don’t believe in marriage or still want some protection under the law while living together.
BLISS: Do you work together in business, your blog or church? And if so, how?
Jameela: Yes, we work together in our business Alora Boutique where we make meaningful jewelry that gives back to the community. I enjoy Peter’s company and I think he enjoys mine! We work pretty well together because I execute tasks while Peter is more of an “ideas” guy.
We are both good at different things, and honestly, working together forces us to communicate more!
Peter: The business also allows us to balance each other out. When one of us is having a tough time, the other person is usually there to pick them up.
[bctt tweet=”Running the business brings us together by allowing us to share the same goal and journey!” username=”BLISS_BCS”]
BLISS: What is your take on Black Love? What does it mean to you?
Jameela and Peter: Black Love is an important term as many people (more so in the USA) seem to think that black people are part of broken homes. I think that having strong black couples as role models makes young children think “I want to be like that when I grow up.” It is really about having a yardstick for awesomeness!
I think that Black Love translates to a happy, healthy home and happy, healthy kids!
Thank you to Peter and Jameela for sharing their relationship and marriage advice with us! You can support their business Alora Boutique and in doing so help disadvantaged women and children and more. You can learn more about Jameela and her family through her blog, jamandtea.com.
