I met Tony Briscoe this month at the Solace Souls Sundays Relationship Panel. He gave sound, Biblical advice to the singles and couples in attendance and I had to get him and his wife LaRita on the blog. They’ll be married for 16 years in March and live in Chicago with their daughter Journey.
BLISS: How did you meet? Can you tell us more about your first moments getting to know each other?
TB: We actually met at the Apostolic Church of God, our church home. We both work in the Children’s Ministry where we have served for almost 18 years. Our first moments were respectable flirting; I actually studied her for two months at church before I approached beyond a cordial “hello” here and there. I wanted to be sure I was being genuine and that my heart was clean. We started with dates in Hyde Park, lengthy phone conversations, bowling, and church functions and in between that we became an item.
BLISS: What did you do to prepare for marriage while in your single stages in life?
TB: For me I buried myself in the church with the brotherhood. Young, black, single, saved – and horny with an idle mind. I had to keep myself surrounded by men of God who wanted the same thing I did and that was first honoring God. At the time, LaRita traveled a lot as a flight attendant so she was enjoying many aspects of her job and also enjoying her singleness. When we came together it was timely and we sought serious wisdom.
I had to keep myself surrounded by men of God who wanted the same thing I did and that was first honoring God.
Our church has premarital counseling so we partook of that 10-week course and did all the work that came along with it. Outside of that I sought one-on-one counseling and we both met with two different mentors together about our relationship. You are not going to get rid of every piece of baggage that comes into a relationship or marriage, but as much as you can handle before you say “I do” the better off your marriage foundation will be.
BLISS: Did you get help or advice from older married couples along your journey?
TB: Absolutely. My wife has a spiritual mother who is no longer with us but the wisdom of Mother Griffin was second to none. She loved young couples; she loved the Lord and my wife dearly. We were around older saints in our ministry that had been together for years. Scripture tells us that wisdom is found in a multitude of counsel, we just had to discern who that counsel would be for us.
BLISS: What is one thing in marriage that singles need to know before they say “I do”?
TB: There are several things to know but for me the one thing I needed to know is her commitment to me in rough times. I was unemployed when we got engaged and she stuck with me 100%. I knew that when it happened in our marriage she’ll have that same reaction of support. My wife adds that both should have a goal to out-love one another. If two people are spent trying to do all they can for the other it’s a win-win.
[bctt tweet=”Couples should have a goal to out-love one another.” username=”bliss_bcs”]
BLISS: What is a challenge that you notice today that singles and even couples deal with when it comes to romantic relationships?
TB: In a Christian world I would say singles haven’t learned to safeguard themselves. When Christian women are marrying unsaved men, the primary reason in my experience is that there is zero pressure for sex. Saved women are finding more respect and confidence in unsaved men because some unsaved men are fine with waiting for marriage before they engage in sexual activity.
Saved men should walk in that same type of Christlike mind, and even more so, to maintain the sanctity of their relationship with the Lord and respect the desires of their significant other. Finding a mutuality regarding the sanctity of the relationship is vital.
For married couples I would say they haven’t discussed enough of their desires romantically. We can talk about the nice, quiet, intimate, and elaborate dates but hidden desires in a marriage will seek out ways to find or express it. For wives it’s romance novels, for husbands it’s pornography. All lead down a dark and dangerous path which can be avoided with open, clear, and safe communication.
BLISS: What is a great resource for married couples and those who want to be married to have in their lives?
TB: Prayer and mentorship with a close knit community of believers who are authentic with the couple’s ups and their downs. Recommended books are: Love & Respect, The Five Love Languages and definitely the Song of Solomon.
BLISS: Do you work together in business or ministry? And if so, how?
TB: We are both in the Children’s Church ministry. I work with 8-13 year olds and she works with 6-7 year olds. We both teach together in our covenant partner ministry when we are called upon. We mentor engaged couples and mentor couples that need assistance with finding the proper communication tools to enhance their marriage.
BLISS: What is your take on Black Love? What does it mean to you?
TB: I think Black Panthers, I think James Brown, I think Angie Stone. Love of people, love of self, love of us in all situations. We were brought to this country damaged and we must learn we don’t have to stay in that position. That we can be married to another race, like Belafonte and Poitier, and still maintain love for your own.
“Black Love is Love of people, love of self, love of us in all situations.”
Tony Briscoe is a Spoken Word artist, minister, Armed Forces veteran and writer. You can read his blogs and hear his works on his website: tonybriscoe.co
Join the Briscoes at Apostolic Church of God in Chicago on Friday, February 23 starting at 7 p.m. for:
The Conversation…The Place to Be
Where Transparency is Welcome, Where Truth is Shared. Where Transformation Takes Place. At the Conversation we will look at how Jesus related to The Father, the disciples, His followers and those in the crowd.
Our Aim- We will discover Jesus wants us and He desires that we:
- Know Him
- Know Each Other
- Know truth
- Know we can be honest about our struggles and questions
- Know we have purpose
Learn more about their Young Adult Ministry on social media on all platforms at @Y2M_acog
