Welcome to our annual series: Black Love Role Models! Every February, we highlight and interview inspirational couples who have something we can glean from as singles who desire to marry. This year’s first couple is Ernesto and Lakeita Mickens. Fellow Millennials and parents of three, they are both innovative and fun loving people who are doing life together to give God glory! Let’s dig into the interview:
BLISS: How long have you been married? How long have you been involved in marriage ministry?
Ernesto & Lakeita: We made the plunge to get married nine years ago!! Whoo hoo!! We have officially been a part of the marriage ministry for 8 years.
BLISS: What lessons in marriage are you passionate about teaching your own children?
E&L: We want our children to know that every marriage is different. Their marriage will not look like ours. They may carry the values we teach, but essentially they will be creating a new tradition. That tradition will be decided by them and their spouses. Often times, we go into a relationship with a one track mind. We think ‘well my mom or dad did it this way,’ etc. We want them to know how to create their own traditions, by adding the values we taught them while blending with the values of their spouse. This will create a new, beautiful dynamic.
“We want them to know how to create their own traditions, by adding the values we taught them while blending with the values of their spouse.”
BLISS: You are both creatives, what’s your favorite work to do together?
E&L: As creatives, we love to make music together and funny videos. Normally we do this privately, but we are opening ourselves up more to the public. From our first music video “The Team” and our video of us dancing while pregnant to the baby mama song. We just love to have fun!
BLISS: What inspired your book The Mystery of Submitting?
E&L: The inspiration behind our book, The Mystery of Submitting, was really just seeing how there were people teaching submission in marriage from a controlling, negative and worldly point of view. The love of Christ wasn’t in it.
BLISS: What’s a misconception that men and women have about submission?
E&L: After watching a few videos of people teaching women how to submit, we thought to ourselves: this doesn’t sound like love. It was more about who is over and in power. We both grew up seeing women who couldn’t make a decision. For example, one of my friends found herself in an overly religious relationship where she had to ask permission to leave the house. Unfortunately, there was also domestic violence. This confusion caused us to study the scripture to find the heart of Jesus. After studying, we decided to show submitting from the heart of Jesus.
There are misconceptions because the word submission brings negative feelings. People have used it to abuse, control and manipulate. Of course in a worldly view, submission is from the control aspect. But submitting through the love of Christ exemplifies mutual love, respect and harmony in a relationship. Sometimes men have learned from their father that submission is that control aspect. This leads them to try to control their wives in a way that is not healthy. This can lead to domestic violence as they are trying to use force to gain control. Women may have learned from the older women to stay with their husbands even in violence. We must always remember the love of Christ.
“When we lose sight of love, we lose sight of His grace and mercy.”
BLISS: What is one thing that singles can do to prepare themselves for godly marriage?
E&L: Singles can prepare for a Godly marriage by asking a lot of questions when the dating season gets serious. If you think this person could be the one, ask questions of what do they view as a healthy marriage, what is important to them (i.e. family values).
Often times we are so excited to go from single to married that we forget to ask the hard questions. Make sure you both have similar ideals of marriage beforehand. In the meantime, write down your own ideals so you can reflect back on them when the time is right.
BLISS: What’s your take on Black Love?
E&L: Black Love is uniquely special. It’s a love that when shown healthily, it fosters a sense of empowerment in the community. Years ago black families weren’t shown with togetherness. But with the age of the digital world we can see Black Love is strong and thriving.
BLISS: What can we look forward to this year from you both? Anything else that you’d like to share?
E&L: This year has already taken off for us! I knew this year would be a blessing as we sold another book the day after New Years! Whoo hoo! We’ve also been requested to do guest podcasting. We’re in our planning stages for an online workshop coming later this year. We are super excited to start this year off strong.
We’d like to thank Ernesto and Lakeita for their wisdom and insight on marriage and submission. Keep in touch with this inspirational and fun couple on Instagram at @nestoandkita, Nesto and Kita on Facebook, and purchase their book on their website, togetherforapurpose.com.
