The first lockdown was something of a novelty. A surreal kind of experience that seemed like a large social experiment or a long sci-fi movie which would eventually come to an end and life would return to normal. Even though there was time to think ‘I would be so much happier if I was married and in lockdown,’ the reality check was ‘This is temporary.’ Fast forward a few weeks last spring and I realised that this was the time to reach out to people, and that could include old love interests.
I was hopeful, but I was also forgetting that there was a reason why it didn’t work the first time, and getting close to guys who only see you “as a friend” only leads to frustration! After going down this road again, it was time to think about why I couldn’t put singleness and contentment together?
Now in my third lockdown (I am British), here are some thoughts about singleness while in lockdown:
Marriage is not a panacea (cure-all).
Marriage is not going to solve all your problems and if your problems centre around loneliness, then be prepared because there is no guarantee that your future husband will not have a job that requires them to work long shifts, travel, or will not have a family that is very demanding.
You might imagine all these romantic evenings in, only to discover that doesn’t work because of a hobby or a church commitment which means that either you or him are constantly missing each other, rather than being in the same place at the same time. So, if loneliness is the issue, then now is the time to start addressing that and to hand that loneliness over to God who can deepen relationships with family, neighbours, or friends.
Think about goals outside of getting married.
If your goal is to get married and have children, then you could easily waste your single years by making that everything and miss out on other goals you could achieve. Marriage and children will drastically reduce your free time and opportunities. A new set of priorities will mean that what was possible before, will only be possible with a lot of planning and juggling and, even then, with no guarantee that you will be able to do what you plan to do!
As a single person, you have the chance to pursue countless dreams without additional worries and commitments. You have the opportunity to explore different hobbies, learn new skills, and identify and grow new strengths. You can marry as a well-rounded individual or as someone who has spent years dreaming of being married and having children. You may get married only to find yourself wishing that you had done more with your single years.
Grow in your relationship with God.
Marriage is only for this life. There is no marriage in heaven. If you have spent half your life wishing you were married, it may be good to get some perspective and to invest in what is eternal. Growing in your knowledge of God and his word is going to be more beneficial in the long run.
It will give you the strength and grace to make a marriage work if you marry and if you remain single to live a joyful and full single life. With all the ups and downs that come with life, you need to know how faithful and committed God is to you, and how much he loves you. God is your shepherd. He can lead and guide you through this life and beyond.
Speak truth to yourself.
It’s only too easy to believe that married life is easier, happier, and better and that if you are single life is harder, sadder, and worse. But both take God out of the picture. If you depend on a guy to be everything, then that guy will fall short pretty quickly. He will grow tired and resentful of having to be Mr. Perfect to you, even when he is having a bad day. You could also run the risk of trying to be perfect to make a marriage work when the best place to start in a marriage is recognise that you are both sinners, dependent on God’s grace. A husband and wife need to rely on God and not on each other.
As a single person, if you idolise marriage, you will never be happy being single. It will never be enough, no matter how many good things are going on in your life. It is time to believe the truth: marital status does not equal happiness, but your spiritual status will affect your joy as a single or married person!
Last spring, I was going backwards thinking what would propel me forwards and towards a ring. I thought I could save time and speed up the process by bandaging up a relationship. But now I know that to go forward, you have to stop looking back. You have to believe that God can do a new work in your life. So this year, it is time to wait on God.
Love the advice and blog. I recently worked on a book that discusses ways to attract your mate that may be helpful for anyone looking for love, it’s called A Princess Doesn’t Kiss Frogs by Harlem C. Boston. Keep up the great work!!!!