This post is a part of the Protect Me series
The Singles Pleasing the Lord panel discussion continued on the things that we as singles dislike about the opposite sex. The discussion that night changed gears and asked some good questions about dating, and protecting purity in dating. These were not teenagers in the room, I was sitting among grown people who had these questions. Most of our lives, we have gotten different definitions of dating, almost to the point that it’s lost its value. The panelists/guests gave their opinions on what is a date, and more specifically, how to not take things to a sexual level.
What is an appropriate dating plan for saved men?
Saved men, not worldly men or the men we see on TV, movies, and in romance novels. Actual human, imperfect, yet loving-Jesus type of men. Here were some suggestions brought up to answer the question:
- Keep it simple and mellow
- Date at a “very slow” pace
- Making sure to go out outside and not have stay in dates to save purity
- Dates in small groups
- Get to know the person’s spiritual views
- “Date with an agreed plan based on protecting purity”
Hmm, this protecting purity topic struck a cord with the men and women. Purity in dating means sexual and emotional purity, that there are boundaries to be respected on both parties’ end to ensure that ungodly soul ties and emotional ties don’t get formed, and that the couple can get to know each other outside of the physical attraction/desire. Maintaining abstinence and/or celibacy while dating, is a key difference between how Christians ought to date and how the world sees dating today.
We were asked to discuss our measures of how to protect purity in dating.
One man suggested to keep your dates public and in the open. This way it helps you resist tempting situations and settings to take things further than they need to go. This includes cars, houses/apartments, dark and intimate places! I remember someone giving advice that when you leave the door of your home you already know in your mind what you’re going to do and allow to happen.
“When you leave the door of your home you already know in your mind what you’re going to do and allow to happen.”
I agree…haven’t we all had that moment in a date when things were good but you were tempted to do more? Tell your flesh to back down; you have to guard your heart and maintain your purity. It’s not a matter of “trying to be perfect,” it’s a matter of holiness, a standard that God is calling us to live by. You can’t submit to your flesh because the date is going well; you are free, not bound to what your flesh desires! “Don’t bow to those who weren’t on your level and be ready for one who is on it” shared a panelist.
If you have a problem with submitting to flesh instead of holiness, then dating should not be your priority at this time.
One man said that if a woman he wanted to date told him that she was for real maintaining her purity, he would “honor, applaud, and support that.” There are guys and ladies however, who may not support you trying to live an abstinent/celibate lifestyle; they may want to have a physical relationship with you before marriage.
Debbie Adebayo kept it real when she asked if a woman loses her credit if she says that she’s saving herself in the forefront of the dating process. There was discussion on the need for the two parties dating to have a mature conversation about boundaries and come to agreement on what they are going to do. There has to be self control and personal accountability. It’s hard to date someone and be their accountability partner. Get a trusted friend of the same sex and have them be your accountability partner to not only keep you focused on protective dating, but asking you real questions about how you feel about the person you’re seeing.
[bctt tweet=”It’s hard to date someone and be their accountability partner.” username=”bliss_bcs”]
As stated before, we are responsible for ourselves and men are called to be protectors of the women that are in their lives, including the woman they are dating. What should be appropriate dating for saved singles pursuing purity?
