It’s been a crazy few days on social media as more details unfold regarding relationship advice personality, Derrick Jaxn (DJ), and his infidelity in his marriage.
Out of the many issues that have come from this season of exposure for Mr. Jaxn, one that stands out the most is that he is showing the world his wife for many of us to see for the first time. He has made a couple of apology videos, including his wife Da’Naia, expressing what happened (to an extent) with different women while they were married/separated. For one, many of us in the public did not know this man was married, as he presented himself to be the ultimate catch of a single Black man, but the lie detector test showed that was a lie.
I don’t want to be on here long because the videos and memes about this situation are out there, so I’ll get to my concerns about this whole situation below:
It’s concerning how DJ is flipping this exposure to promote his newly published book about getting through hard times in marriage.
Word got out about DJ for years, but his time in the sun finally came over the weekend on a popular gossip channel from two women who gave their stories of interacting with Jaxn in a sexual manner while he was married/separated. For Jaxn to use this moment as an opportunity to promote and gain off the pain and embarrassment his wife has to face again is very concerning. The fact that we have to find out via exposure and not by confession is saying a lot as well.
It’s okay to leave sis.
This point focuses mostly on Da’Naia, who has been professing that Jesus made a way for her and Derrick’s marriage to stay together in spite of Derrick’s conscious choices to step out on her. Those aren’t her words verbatim, but this is turning out to be another example of throwing your faith at a situation as an end all be all.
Although we outside of their marriage have no authority to tell these people what to do with their relationship, it’s going to take spiritual and natural steps to get going in the right direction. Prayers up for them both, but Da’Naia, you’re not obligated to stay for this treatment while the cheating was happening or even now. I’m also concerned about the continued twisting of scripture to justify certain foul actions in relationships that God would not co-sign at all. We have to be very careful with that, and it’s showing a gross misrepresentation of God’s grace for us.
Black Love isn’t dead because of Derrick Jaxn, but…
I will say that this is yet another wake-up call in the line of others over the past year that reveals a common theme about Black men that they should be addressing in their circles. This whole cheating issue is not new among couples of all cultures and certainly not new in the Black community. It’s like we get a scandal of a Black man in the public eye who cheats on their wife/girlfriend at least once a season. The most recent public Black woman cheating scandal if I’m not mistaken was Jada Pinkett Smith (summer 2020).
What I’m getting to is that Black men, whether you disagreed with Derrick Jaxn or consider yourself nothing like what he got away with presenting for years, cheating is still a surface-level issue that you all need to address at the core. Figure.It.Out.
The 2020s Black women are growing weary of struggle love in Black love and we’re waking up to our plethora of options from leaving what no longer serves us to dating/marrying outside our race. I mention the latter because it seems that BM take BW’s love and loyalty for granted since we have a notorious allegiance to our men when the loyalty is not equally reciprocated.
As a Black woman, I’m asking you all to stop pointing your fingers at DJ or other men and get your issues in order, holding your brothers to operate at a better standard before it reflects on you as a collective. Cheating has little to do with the partner, but with the individual who cheats, so all that externalizing and blaming everyone else for what you choose to do is tired. Black men, if cheating is an issue or something that keeps you from even entering a relationship, you need to get help via accountability. Your life actions and trajectory shouldn’t be governed by your fleshly desires; that’s not God’s plan or will for your life.
It’s okay to graduate from Derrick Jaxn’s lessons.
Jaxn has some good lessons for women to take in at a certain point in their lives, but you don’t have to continue listening to or supporting him if you don’t want to. At some point we have to mature past the lessons from others and learn to rely on God. Your teachers in life should be equipping you to lean on God, not on them, in case they are no longer able to serve you.
If you’re looking for advice, input from Black men in the relationship space, consider several other options including Dondre Whitfield, Caleb Curl, Rashawn Copeland, Paul C. Brunson, Enitan Bereola, Laterras Whitfield, Kojo Ampadu, the Right to R.E.A.L. Love podcast, and the hosts of the Roommates podcast. What I like about their platforms is their attention given to both men and women becoming better for their relationships, so check them out and see what fits what you may be looking for when it comes to a BM perspective on relationships and marriage.
There’s that toxic faith coming up again! God wants us happy and whole, not broken and miserable. His wife looked over it in the video, and I’m so glad you brought up that she can leave! I didn’t even know he was pushing a new book! Smh. But thank you for highlighting the other men talking about relationships and dating, because I didn’t know about them.
Yes it’s like the story gets worse and worse. They are trying to flip the narrative but we’ve had enough
I’d never heard of him until this mess and the first thing that stood out to me was the demeanor his wife had, which made me very uncomfortable. It didn’t seem like the words coming out of her mouth were hers, but the second thing that screamed at me was – he’s promoting a book off of this!! I don’t know them but I was hoping this was all a big lie to get attention and money. Either way this isn’t the energy of a healthy marriage. I pray they both find peace
Thank you for that point about the wife’s words in the video and the ones she’s posted after this. Definitely they need peace and healing.
This was good Tatiana!! I shared the same sentiments regarding DJ’s wife use of scripture too.