I hope everyone is doing well during this year’s cuffing season. I am praying that you find contentment and God’s covering in this time of your lives, whether single, dating or in a committed relationship. If you are single and open to dating, I encourage you to be on the lookout for red flags.
Red flags are often referred to warning signs that something just ain’t right about a situation or a person. You don’t have to be a believer to sense when someone isn’t portraying who they are or there’s something they do that you don’t agree with. In a spiritual perspective, God is looking out for us on all fronts; He desires for us to seek Him first and to know the Lord’s voice.
So when it comes to someone who wants to entertain us in dating or even just enter the talking stage, we would know right then and there if we should based on what we’ve learned in our time with God and getting to know what we want/don’t want.
Want to focus on dating yourself this season? Download my free eBook for me-date and self care ideas!
Who’s ready for story time?
Okay, so I was at Wal-Mart after church, with my church-ish yet fashionable outfit on. In the checkout line this older but personable guy asked if I needed help getting the items out of my cart onto the checkout belt. I declined but then he noticed my “worthy” t-shirt and said I must have come out of church. He was more relaxed with his outfit so I played along and asked if he did as well and he said no. He further shared that he wasn’t into attending church and rather study the word at home, said something about not trusting pastors, and it started to go into a little tangent as he was checking out his items.
I was ready for brotha though because I had a church invitation card in my wallet with his name on it (not literally) to invite him to my church. He said that he would go if he had someone to go with…
I tell him I’ll be there already and he asks about my ringless left hand and shoots his shot. After all that he shared with me about church and his disinterest to go unless I was his date presumably, I took that as a red flag and declined the offer. I had several optional things I would have rather said to him that the copout “I’m taken” (which I’m not yet) line, but at the time I was not ready to respond better after being asked out by someone I wasn’t interested in—just being honest here!
What resonated with me the most in that scenario more than anything else is what the core of this blog post is about. Despite us having key differences in how we perceive church attendance, he still asked me out. Now if I were to entertain him because he was a man that asked me out, then guess who would be compromising down the line? If you see the red flags early on, don’t ignore the uneasiness you may feel about the situation.
And it doesn’t have to be about church attendance. It could be anything that you feel is contrary to the standard to which you live or aiming for. This is for my ladies but this is for the guys too—if you see a red flag, stop. Don’t pass go, don’t try to speed through that red sign to get to where you want to go because you may just crash.
In this season you may come across many people who show interest in you, but may not be for you.
You have to make common sense decisions and tap into that godly discernment. It’s going to require you to be observant and look at context clues. My context? Bruh did not like going to church. I’m not going to change his opinion, but I’ll invite him to attend on his own—that’s between him and God. But as for me and my house, I know where I want to be on Sunday mornings. When you see a red flag, remember your standards.
What happened this weekend also showed me that sometimes people overlook differences for the sake of the win. If I gave him my number, he would still pursue, despite that we had differences. Having been through this before, you just have to remember that some people are only going to approach you for one thing (ie. sex, their ego, the thrill of the chase, boredom, agenda to prove saved girls compromise, etc.). You have every right to decline an offer from someone who you don’t want to entertain or date anymore for any reason.
It’s almost 2020, we’re not settling for less over here. Don’t lose hope when things don’t work out, God is working on your behalf to provide for you the reasons why you couldn’t entertain just anyone that caught your attention or wanted your attention. As for me, I live to face new tests every week, and prayerfully I’ll have better responses for them, lol.
How do you respond when you see a red flag on a date? Share below!
