God saved me from getting in my own way of healing

Do you think that God is gifting us with an opportunity to change for the better?

I do. Although we have no control over this Global virus, we can control how we live our lives in the midst of it. Recently I received a relationship survey in my email inbox from a Christian group I subscribed to years ago. I have participated in this Christian Groups Challenges that address specific topics geared towards living our lives with purpose, while waiting on God to send us our spouse.

As time passed, something within me has shifted; my desire for marriage had diminished and being single has become my focal point, so I intentionally stopped God’s hand by not seeking His healing in my life. I knew that if I didn’t do my part, God would not move on my behalf and my version of being single guarantees me no heartache, mess ups, nor pain.

Prior to being single, my expectations and experiences in a relationship reflected the woman I was back then: difficult. I made poor choices and was miserable! I normalized my dysfunctional behavior by coddling my toxicity. I blamed my bitterness, anger, hate, and spite in my heart on past experiences and hurts. I never took the time to deal with each pain and hurt I experienced. Instead, I jumped from relationship to relationship and used each relationship as my personal first aid kit. I depended on the man to heal me and make me whole; he was responsible for fixing me and my emotional baggage.

My goal was to experience real love and secure a husband and stepfather for my son. But as I maintained a never-ending unattainable list of what I wanted in a husband, I found myself continuously disappointed. Eventually, God physically saved me from myself and removed me from my mess. This was when I decided to release my life to Him and made the decision to live my single life God’s way. I didn’t know how to do that, so I prayed:

“God, I don’t want fillers, just let me date who You’ve chosen to be my husband. Let us do things Your way and get married. I’ll wait on You.”

God has a way of getting our undivided attention. Not too long ago, He got my attention through that simple relationship survey. Prior to receiving it in my email, whenever any thoughts of a relationship and marriage came to mind, I would dismiss them. But this time, it was different. I found myself deeply evaluating every question that came to mind:

What if I had done my part years ago? What if God is showing me my future through my present and is giving me an opportunity to change things right now? Do I want to continue preventing God from bringing who He has for me into my life? Do I really want to live my life never having experienced love, marriage, and a family aside from my son and I? Do I want to die alone?

I believe that God chooses certain pivotal moments in our lives to bring about a change. I strongly believe that in the midst of this Global virus outbreak, He is gifting each of us with a second chance. It’s possible for us to live the life God intended us to have, but it requires us to be whole.

“We must decide whether or not we want to emerge from this season changed or not.”

Some of us need additional support through professional therapy in order to receive healing. Whatever your need may be, please feel free to use the provided link: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists

As I close, I would like to leave you with this prayer:

Lord, I ask that You keep us in the realm of Your will at all times. Help us to trust You with our hearts as we lay everything at Your feet. Take our past, our fears, and every hinderance that has been keeping us bound. Lord God I ask that You cover us individually and collectively. I ask that You strengthen us as we go through our healing process; prevent us from straying away from Your arms of safety. And when we have completed what You require of us, let us receive in abundance the fruits of our labor. I thank You in advance for the blessings awaiting us on the other side of our obedience to You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.