How I upgraded my life after my ended engagement

Post by Ashley Winston

Being single in a society that expects you to be married by a certain age can be overwhelming. It’s like being a zebra in a room full of horses—all they can see are stripes! If someone asked me about marriage or kids years ago, I probably would have been in my feelings all day!

Because there was a time when I wasn’t content being single. I was so discontent that I almost settled for what I thought I wanted in a man, rather than waiting to receive God’s best. I was on that relationship roller coaster for seven years. You know what I’m talking about, that on-again, off-again, Jonathan-McReynolds-That’s-How-He-Keeps-You-In-Cycles, love. But I’m not going in cycles.

Sometimes we think that the challenging things we face behind the scenes in our relationships will just disappear once he gets down on one knee and we say yes! We think that whatever “it” is will go away once we get married, but marriage only magnifies what’s there – the good, bad, and the ugly.

During my engagement, there were a lot of red flags, but I was so busy listening to what I wanted to hear and to those around me that I couldn’t hear God. I guess you could say I tuned Him out. Plus, I thought that this is what a relationship was supposed to look like. I mean my entire life, society suggested that strong Black women are single because they aren’t soft enough. So I honestly thought that I just needed to settle and shut up.

It wasn’t until I found myself 30 days from walking down the aisle about to say “I do” that I stood at a crossroad. I remember lying in bed one night asking myself if I would be actually happy in the relationship I was in. I started thinking about my future kids, and I wanted to be able to tell them with confidence to pursue their passions and dreams without feeling like a hypocrite. I didn’t want to be the wife fake-smiling, sitting at the dinner party secretly resenting my spouse. I had to get real with myself! I had to tell the truth! This is what I wanted, but God wanted something different.

Once I knew it was God saying “no” for sure, I was scared to be obedient to what He was telling me to do. Did I tell you that I already had plates from Crate & Barrel and my dress was already altered?

But I had to decide if I was going to trust God and the plan He had for my life, I had to decide if I was going to settle or soar.

You can guess what happened next. I called off my wedding and it was one the biggest turning points of my life. I’m not saying that there wasn’t a HUGE healing process to endure, but obeying God was the best decision I could ever make. I decided to follow Jesus and I haven’t looked back since. When I finally chose God’s will over my wants, He opened so many doors that have propelled me into my destiny. It’s true, His love never fails.

Obeying God was the best decision I could ever make.

So much came out of this experience. I had no clue what awaited on the other side of obedience, and I didn’t know I could love God and myself at this level. I learned how to be cool with just me. I didn’t have to hide behind a relationship, a boyfriend, or a ring. I learned that we are not better off because we’re married and that God is the only forever thing. He’s the only one that can give us a true future, true destiny, and a lifetime of happiness.

God is enough and so are you! But you’ll never know unless you have the faith to trust Him. I had to give up a man I could see for the man I could not see. That is what living a life of faith is all about. It’s the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things unseen (Hebrews 11:1).

I had to know and believe that God loved me so much that it was worth taking that leap of faith. I know that my husband will one day be revealed, but it will be God’s will and done God’s way. And that’s why when someone asks if I have kids, I can look at him with confidence and say, “No, not yet.”

If you’re struggling to break free in your single season and you’re ready to receive God’s best in every area of your life, download Ashley Winston’s free ebook here: 7sercretstobreakfree.com

Ashley Winston is an author, entrepreneur, breakthrough strategist and speaker. She empowers people from all walks of life through her books, inspirational messages, training, coaching and online programs. Ashley has a passion for helping people win and provides the necessary keys to unlock their peak performance. For 15 years, Ashley’s creativity and unique ability to engage learners of all levels has enabled her to work with countless teachers, community leaders, entrepreneurs, and over 5,000 youth globally. She has served more than 70 organizations. Through her warm nature, tough-love, high-energy and hilarious wit, she pursues the impossible and accomplishes the unthinkable. Faith in God, and the Word, are her foundation. She is the founder of Break Free Be Unstoppable. For more information, visit breakfreebeunstoppable.com.