Congratulations are in order for Idris Elba who got married recently at age 46 to his lovely bride Sabrina Dhowre, age 29.
What I wanted to note about this wedding in particular was the fact that not too long ago, Elba shared that marriage wasn’t something he wanted to do.
“Am I ever gonna get remarried? I don’t think so. Yeah, I don’t think so,” he says. “Marriage is an institution of sorts. And I’ve done it. It’s not for everybody. It’s not my life’s calling.” -Idris Elba, 2017 Essence Mag
I don’t know him personally, but perhaps Elba changed his mind for different reasons. He is nearing 50, he has children already, and a thriving career. Maybe he healed in the areas that caused him to dismiss marriage. Maybe he saw Sabrina and she was that one he was willing to risk it all for. Whatever the case, I am happy he chose marriage again. This case is similar to another Hollywood star that didn’t want marriage but now is happily married with children: George Clooney.
This is proof that women cannot change a man’s mind regarding marriage preparedness. A man will marry who he wants to, period. So while some women would be willing to wait with a man to “figure things out” there is a woman he is going to change his mindset for. Which one will you be, ladies?
This relates to a question that was brought up at a relationship panel I was part of over the weekend hosted by New Life Covenant Church’s Millennials group. It was something along the lines of should a woman wait for her man when he says he’s not financially ready to marry when she desires to marry and have children?
Other panelists brought up great points on not just marry because you want to have kids because providing for a house and children costs money. I said that women have options, choices and power. You are not obligated to stay with a man you are not married to. If he said he’s not ready, you have the power of choice to stay or leave. You have to seek God on that for wisdom and peace with the decision and base it on what’s best for you, not changing your standard because a man is not ready for marriage.
If you’re doing your due diligence as someone preparing for marriage and you date someone who is not ready for marriage, you don’t have to stick around and see where things go. Don’t reward behavior you don’t want with your time and energy, save that for someone who wants what you want too. And there are those kinds of men out here.
I did note the significant age difference between Idris and Sabrina (nearly 17 years), but this is not far from the trend that men do when “finally settling down” even in the Bible, as Boaz was way older than Ruth (reportedly he was 80 and she 40), and we claim that love narrative all the time in church.
If you’re over 30 like me don’t worry, there’s hope for us as well. For instance, Democratic presidential candidate Cory Booker is 50 and dating actress Rosario Dawson, who is 39. If you’re over 30 and 40, you are still marriage material, don’t let age fool you into thinking you’re not desirable. Take care of your health and reduce stress. God will preserve you and restore your years (Psalm 103:5), giving you vigor and vitality like never before. Trust me, He got you!
