Welcome to March, BLISS fam! I’ve been encouraged to write about this topic due to the unbelievable season of “Married At First Sight” on Lifetime. Season 12 brings us back to Atlanta, where 5 couples who met on their arranged wedding day, come to terms with the truth of what they signed up for.
One notable couple—better yet, situationship with rings—is Page and Chris, a Millennial Black couple who have struck a chord with die-hard MAFS fans and new watchers alike.
Their tale of toxic faith and emotional manipulation is triggering in so many ways. But it’s not just their relationship on that show that’s full of lessons, and not just the hit show,”Married At First Sight,” that has something to show us other than strategically-edited drama.
Before social media, we had reality television for years to show us how relationships can grow, thrive, and in many cases implode. More than ever, these shows abound with the narrative of love being a struggle or hard to find, with people who are either genuinely looking for the real thing, or those looking for a come-up. With that, I want to discuss some reasons why we can consider ourselves blessed for not having our romantic love journey on the big stage of television–and especially reality television.
Seeing our relationship and personality flaws on screen can be a bit of an “ouch moment.”
As much as we may want to believe that we have done everything right in relationships past or in past dating scenarios, we have flaws and we have to own up to our mistakes. This season of MAFS alone I have seen my past and present behaviors in a few of the people participating in the experiment. I had some Paige tendencies when I settled for less than I deserved, and I identified with Vincent’s poor communication skills that stem from people-pleasing.
Don’t just watch these shows for entertainment, watch to learn. What these brave—and oftentimes ill-prepared—people are doing is looking for love, just like you and me. They happened to choose reality television as a means to do so, which opens them up to be vulnerable to millions of people all over the world. I don’t think I have it in me to do something like that, but at least I can live vicariously through others for an hour or two.
If your single journey or relationship life is not on reality tv, consider yourself blessed because you can fight and make up in private. You don’t have to share intimate details about you and your partner with strangers or in front of cameras. You don’t have to sign a contract to get a husband or wife whom you’ve never met. Your name won’t be trending on social media every week, and people won’t be judging everything that you say. Consider yourself BLESSED.
When you do indulge in these reality tv shows about love, consider the following activities to do:
Take an honest self-reflective moment
Have you had “aha” and “ouch moments” like I do? Take some time to self-reflect on any familiar behaviors that you notice in the show participants that you may be doing or have done before. Don’t note only the negative behaviors, consider the positive ones as well and even how their partners respond to them. Have you been in similar circumstances or seeing a pattern that you want to break? Now’s the time to…
Journal it out
Write, speak or type out your feelings after watching the show’s episode, after tweeting about it of course. Journaling is a good idea to get out your thoughts in a productive way and it can help you write out additional thoughts you’ve been feeling in this season of your life, single or otherwise. Another good way to get out your thoughts is to…
Talk with a counselor
If you have someone to talk to, from a therapist to a mentor or accountability partner, you may want to reach out to them on these thoughts that you have from watching these shows. Having an outside person looking in may give you a perspective on your patterns, habits, and actions in this season that you may not have considered in your self-reflection. As much as we want to be unofficial therapists and life coaches for the people on TV, it wouldn’t hurt to have someone we know and trust look at our lives to offer constructive criticism or accountability as needed. Without a doubt, you want to ensure that you…
Pray for God to continue His perfect work in you
Like those souls on the TV shows that we tune in to see every week, we are also on a journey to becoming God’s vision of who we are. There are going to be those refining moments and seasons while you’re single and when you’re in relationships with others. Trust that what God started in you, He will bring to completion:
“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” Philippians 1:6 NLT
Don’t beat yourself up verbally or mentally for making some mistakes or noticing that have some work to do still. We all do. None of us have arrived, and marriage doesn’t mean that you won’t make mistakes as a wife or husband. Just trust God, take the L, and turn it into another life lesson. Whether you relate with the people that you see on these reality shows or not, be okay with not having it all together, because God loves you in spite of it all.
