In case no one has asked you yet, how’s your new year going? Is there anything that you have done or experienced that was a clean slate for the new year? The term “clean slate” is also known as a new start, clean hands, clear conscience, or fresh start. For believers, it’s a reminder of God’s love, grace, and forgiveness that cleans and renews us (Psalm 51).
Many of us take on “clean slate” as their personal theme for the beginning of the year, looking forward to experiencing and receiving newness in our lives. I recently thought about this concept in terms of dating–to give your dating mindset a clean slate–and the thought seems radical, yet ideal.
Picture this: you agree to go “clean slate dating” with someone. The terms and conditions include: not holding back effort or reciprocal treatment based on what didn’t work for you in the past. Seems so simple, right? Seems like a bunch of people do that, doesn’t it? Or do we?
I really thought about what does it look like to give your best and realest version of yourself on dates. To not feel anxiety or triggered specifically by past failed relationships on a date with someone new. Instead of focusing on the present, some of the past comes with us on these dates. It tends to be the main driver of anxiety for characters who go on a first date on TV shows. At times our fear and anxiety about the future, being loved, etc. cause us to act prematurely in dating and make poor choices, not extend grace where it should be given, and continue fueling a cycle of self-defeat.
Knowing this, would you try clean slate dating? This would entail offloading the ideas of what men or women don’t do in dating as a barometer for who you’re sharing an experience with. In order for clean slate dating to work, you’d have to be yourself without conditions. No walls, no games, just an honest good time because you yourself are committed to having a good time and being present. To clarify, clean slate dating is not a means to take you out of your core character, impose on your boundaries, or shift your values. It’s more about how you show up than the pricepoint of the date as well.
It’s the idea of dating without those negative thoughts that can cloud our minds and keep us from getting to know people, regardless if there will be a second date or not.
For instance, have you ever been on a date and thought of that person as a human and not sizing them up for a potential partner? Sometimes we add that pressure to ourselves in the dating season. In clean slate dating, you’re not thinking “I only got one more date left in me” or from a place of cynicism, doubt, or frustration. Whether we see this person again or not, we should consider being less guarded because of what hasn’t worked for us in the past.
I’m always going to encourage using common sense, minding your personal safety, and inviting the Holy Spirit on your dates with people. However, leave behind the mental and emotional obstacles that can keep you from truly enjoying company with another person. Clean slate dating can be refreshing if both parties are willing to contribute to that experience.
Maybe I’m by myself here, but if people are willing to let go of the anxiety, past hurt, and the overabundance of opinions marketed on social media as dating advice, both men and women can give clean slate dating a chance. Let’s restore the respect and honor we’re called to give one another instead of what hasn’t truly been serving us. Let’s wipe the slate clean and find joy in the dating season.
