February’s book of the month on B.L.I.S.S. was written by author and minister Dwight DeRamus on the topic of the effects of fatherlessness on individuals and society as a whole. Disappearing Dads is a small book but heavy read:
“Never before have so many boys growing up without knowing what it means to have a father. Boys without dads will have a more difficult time behaving and acting like men…this will immediately impact their roles as husbands and fathers.” -Dwight DeRamus, “Lost Boys”
I wanted to get more insight on his inspiration behind this important issue in the Black community as well as our entire culture.
BLISS: What was the driving motivation for you to write on the subject of disappearing dads?
DD: My driving motivation in writing “Disappearing Dads”, are my life experiences. My late grandmother planted a seed for me to pursue my writing. In working as a public school teacher for over twenty years, I noticed that the majority of students, especially those of color, did not have active fathers in their lives.
During my interactions with them, they appeared to not understand the role of a father. I also reflected on the first eighteen years of my life. Although I was born to married teenaged parents, my father passed away suddenly at the age of 24 and I was six years old at the time of his death. My mother then remarried and I became a part of a blended family. Six years thereafter, my mother divorced and became a single parent for the next six years. These experiences laid the foundation in the publication of this book.
BLISS: Which section/chapter of your book has received the most feedback?
DD: The chapters of the book that have received the most feedback are “Media Influence” and “Lost Boys”; however, it varies according to the reader.
BLISS: What’s the biggest factor in keeping children/adults from turning their hearts back to their fathers?
DD: The biggest factor in keeping children from turning their hearts back is the absence of their fathers. As stated in the book, a father can be absent even though he is physically present. I have found that children desire to know who they are and where they come from.
Uncertainty for a child can be detrimental; this includes the absence of fathers.
Sin is the biggest factor in keeping adults turning their hearts back to their children. Poor decisions in relationships, career or finances are made without any input from God. Decisions made in haste, can be attributed to the lack of trust in God (Proverbs 3:5-6). The book discusses four reasons fathers are absent from the home: death, divorce, detachment and desertion.
BLISS: What is one thing that Millennials are failing to see regarding the role of a father?
DD: Millennials are failing to see the importance of the role of a father. The role of a father is crucial in the development of his children. He is not an afterthought or an option in the family structure; he is necessary in the family unit. It is not “normal” for children to be raised by the mother alone, but it is commonplace worldwide today.
[bctt tweet=”“Millennials are failing to see the importance of the role of a father.”” username=”bliss_bcs”]
BLISS: How can men take back the definition of manhood that’s been placed on them by society?
DD: The false definition of manhood must be reversed by men leading the way and turning back to God. We tend to forget that we are created in His image (Genesis 1:26). All males have an innate ability to provide and protect, but men must include God into the equation by leading his family, controlling his appetites and submitting to His will. Mentorship programs, men advocacy groups, father/dad organization and churches must step forward to help restore the definition of manhood.
The false definition of manhood must be reversed by men leading the way and turning back to God.
BLISS: How can adults heal from not having a relationship with their biological father?
DD: The healing process should start with a relationship with the Heavenly Father. It is important not only to know Him, but He must know you (John 10:14). Mothers must have the wisdom to search from the inside- out beginning with the family circle. There could possibly be grandfathers, uncles, brothers, cousins, neighbors, teachers, preachers, coaches or some male role model who is responsible enough to provide a positive influence for fatherless children.
BLISS: What are other sources for mentorship/leadership to learn the tools to be a man of God?
DD: In order to learn the tools to be a man of God, the input of godly advisers must be positively involved (Proverbs 11:14). Employment, mentoring and enrichment programs would help them be more responsible teaching youth. Programs of premarital education would stress the importance of marriage and child-rearing.
There are numerous programs making a difference in the lives of youth, but most mentoring programs lack the foundation of Christ. The church should head these programs. There are two programs in which I was personally engaged within the last five years that are Christian based, and they proved to be beneficial for the participating youth.
BLISS: Lastly, how can men and fathers alike step up for this generation to help our communities become better?
DD: Since this problem of fatherlessness in our communities did not happen overnight, it will take time to restore and become better. The church is a great place to start. It must make an impact inside and outside the four walls in their given community (The Great Commission in Matthew 28:19-20).
The impact must include ministries that matter to mothers, men and children with Christ as the center in the 21st century.
Dwight DeRamus is an author of poetry and nonfiction from the faith based realm. He uses wisdom gained in the trenches of life to speak to the deep questions of fatherhood, parenting and family many want to ask but are afraid to whisper. Learn more about author and poet Dwight DeRamus and his works on Facebook.
