Hey, BLISS fam! Usually, I make a blog post about handling being single during the holidays, but this year, I wanted to share something a little different.
For some of us who have some kind of dysfunction in our families, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and other holiday gatherings can bring up a mix of feelings, including anxiety. Maybe you’re the only saved person in your immediate family, or you’ve had a season of separation from the family for whatever reason, and now you’re trying to engage with the family again.
Maybe your family indulges in activities or substances that you choose not to. There may be preconceived ideas of tension, judgment, fighting, etc., that give you reasons for concern. In this post, we’ll discuss a few things to consider when you do get together with family to help keep the peace within and with others.
As you get together with your family, who all have different walks of life and are in different seasons, please cast down any thoughts of self-righteousness. Maybe you’re the only one in your family who expresses your faith outwardly. That doesn’t make you better than your family or diminish your sin because their sins are different.
If you’ve been delivered from or grown out of a habit or lifestyle that certain family members entertain (smoking, heavy drinking, cussing, gossip, toxic talking, etc.), be humble and authentic in your engagement with them. This means you don’t have to partake of what they are doing to fit in but stick to what you believe without criticizing (in tone and word use) someone else’s choices.
Give them love and grace for where they’re at in their own lives. That’s one way we can give and maintain peace since we are not hung up on what wrongs our family members are doing. Focus on loving who they are as God’s creation–a fellow human in need of grace, instead of what they are not doing “right.” It’s not passive, for there is a time and place to address certain things. As a peacemaker, you must be discerning or “read the room” for the best time to bring up tense topics.
“Blessed are the peacemakers, For they shall be called sons of God.”
Matthew 5:9 NKJV
I’m treading this lightly because not all of us have those personal connections with family to go deep into why we don’t smoke or date so-and-so. They may have questions, make jokes, and make their own judgments, but let your yes and your no be your no. If they can’t respect that without dismissing your boundaries, that’s on them.
Another thought is to release the expectations for how your family is “supposed to” be. Expectations can bring disappointment because you’re going into a space with your idea of how things should go instead of being open and contributing to a collective experience everyone can enjoy. Serve when and where you can engage, be curious and ask questions, and release what you thought you knew family to be. As we change, our families change and go through seasons. Give yourself and your family grace to navigate through whatever you all may face collectively, from grief to celebrating new life.
Receiving God’s patience and guidance on how to navigate family relationships that may not be in the healthiest or functional place is a vital reason to pray and think about before you attend your family gatherings.
Lastly, never stop praying! Listen, prayer will truly keep you during these holidays with your family. Pray for what you should do during this trip—yeah, it can be that simple. Sometimes, we may carry this inward burden to “save” our family members or heal them, but if you pray for direction and follow God’s lead through His Holy Spirit, you can make more impact than you first thought. Sometimes, all God wants us to do is plant the seed and give Him room to do the rest. Sometimes, that looks like listening to a loved one, serving alongside someone at the event, or showing up to the event at all.
Pray for the Lord to reveal something about yourself during these moments with family. Be still and receive what God may be showing you about your thought process, unresolved hurt or resentment in your heart towards your family, your growth, and your spiritual role in the family. Truly anything can happen, but it starts with you in prayer.
I truly pray that you will navigate the upcoming family events this holiday season with grace and peace in your heart. God works out all things, even when it doesn’t look like some things in our family will change; keep the faith.
“Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.”
1 Thessalonians 5:17-19
Happy Thanksgiving, BLISS family! I’m blessed to have you here, constantly inspiring me to show up better for you. Have a favored holiday season.
