“I’m not looking for a man…I’m not looking for a relationship…I’m waiting on God. I want so much more than what I had…I want a man who knows God, not just by name. I’m talking about knows Him personally. I want us to be in a relationship where we are on one accord with the same Heavenly Father…heading towards the same goal: marriage. This time around I’m going to do it right…I deserve happiness…I deserve love…I am done settling!”
“Vicki!” Marta exclaimed, “Your new mentality…this new you is going to work against you! Waiting for God to drop a man on your doorstep will never happen. You’ve gone overboard…you’re hurting and haven’t gotten over your breakup, which is why your mind is clouded. What you really want is a saved man.”
Vicki replied, “Yes Marta…that’s why I’m waiting on God because He sends the best…” Marta responded and said,
“Your stipulations leave you limited Vicki; he does not have to come saved…”
“You don’t want to scare him off with Jesus… you have to ease him into Jesus. Trust me, once the man is into you, he will ask to go to church with you every Sunday. Eventually, he will walk down the aisle and give his heart to Christ. As long as salvation enters into the picture at some point you’re fine…don’t sabotage yourself…. that newfound boxed-in mentality you have makes you sound too…too…”
“Too what Marta?!” Vicki asked. “Too holy,” Marta replied. “Well, we are Christians Marta…holy is what we’re supposed to be.” Vicki retorted. Marta blurted out in frustration, “Vicki, you don’t know about all of the things that comes with a saved man who has an established relationship with Jesus.”
“There is no wiggle room with a man like that…the only music he will listen to is gospel music…the only channels he will watch on TV are TBN and The Word Network. He will scrutinize everything and compare it to the Bible to see if it’s sinful or not. Every time the doors of the church opens, you all will be there. He will sign the both of you up to attend church retreats and conferences that your church and any other church he can find offers. He will have you ministering with him at places you’ve never heard of because he takes kingdom building seriously.”
Marta continued, “He will have Bible study with you after the both of you leave the Sunday services because God showed him what he needs to apply to your relationship. Then, you will get the marriage proposal you wanted…”
“…but after you two are married he will spring this on you: ‘God’s called me into full time ministry.’”
“His great- paying cushy career—he’ll leave it behind to become the pastor of a campus church that the Senior Minister asked him to oversee. You two will hardly see one another because the church now owns him. If you ever confront him about his absenteeism within the home and marriage he will respond to you with this.. ‘You knew before you married me that I’m a kingdom builder.’”
Marta abruptly stopped speaking; after a couple of minutes had gone by, she gently stated, “Vicki…I know firsthand where dating a saved man who has a personal relationship with Jesus leads. I have gone down that path and lived that misrepresented miserable life. I was a lonely wife and no amount of talking got through to my husband…he thought children in the home would take away my loneliness. Why would I want to have children with a man who was never home? I was already hurting and there was no way I was going to subject children to an absentee father.”
“He wasn’t going to change… I had to divorce him and not look back. Trust me Vicki, you don’t want God to send you a saved man who has a personal relationship with Him. You want to be in a relationship with a good moral man who gets saved and slowly gains a relationship with Jesus.”
In a defeated tone, Vicki responded, “You’re right Marta…” Vicki said those words aloud, but wasn’t fully convinced after saying them. She said goodbye to Marta and hung up her cell phone. Feeling unsettled, Vicki thought…I did things the wrong way…Marta did things the right way and she’s as miserable as I am…Why would God tell us what to do when the outcome is the same whether we obey Him or not?
