This post is part of the Protect Me series. (Photo credit: Spike TV)
So in the first post with Author Eddie L. Rogers II, we covered the topics of what it looks like for a man to cover or protect his significant other and vice versa for the ladies. In our conversation we also covered common misconceptions when it comes to protecting your loved one and even yourself:
B.L.I.S.S.: What makes men overreact when it comes to protecting their woman?
ER: Sometimes it is jealousy or fear of losing their girl or fear of getting cheated on. In those situations it’s more about the man protecting his own feelings, not wanting to be embarrassed, a feeling of entitlement in terms of misunderstanding the relationship for ownership.
Sometimes there are women who want that kind of protection, who expect the macho, over the top kind of protection. And there are women who see that type of bravado as entertainment, so you’ll see men who try too hard to be a bodyguard over their woman and look for a reason to jump into action.
“You have to get the basic needs of protection covered in order to really progress to the other levels of protecting your woman spiritually, mentally, etc.”
What about someone whose had trust issues and has been hurt in their past? How can they express what needs protecting to their partner?
I say get to it. It’s about being vulnerable. The only fence that should be up in a relationship should be the one around you to keep other people out of the relationship, there shouldn’t be a fence between the people in the relationship. I say get to the point; it may not be easy but you have to do it. Share with your partner “this is what happened,” “this is what I’m afraid of,” or “how can you help make sure X doesn’t happen and if it does, how can we work through this?” One of the worst things that couples do is waste time. You hope that they get together to enjoy life together, not to suffer together. You can’t get to the finish line if you stay stuck at the starting line.
[bctt tweet=”The only fence that should be up in a relationship should be the one around you to keep other people out of it.” username=”bliss_bcs”]
If a man had a bad relationship with a woman and was threatened to the point of being afraid of making a mistake…it’s not the most macho thing but if it bothers him he needs to get to the point like: “Hey, I messed up before and had a bad experience and I’m nervous about that happening again.”
Besides getting to the point of actually being vulnerable with your spouse or significant other, one should be comfortable being able to be open with that person.
African American women have a tendency to be very independent; how can a woman and man find their balance where she can be independent and still respect his role in her life as her man?
It’s not necessarily possible to emasculate a man. There are some things that can really make us feel like nothing or insignificant, but the worst thing is that he’ll get upset but he will get his manhood back. There is a trend of the world making sure that Black women are getting education and securing jobs and not necessarily hiring a lot of Black men, so because of that, the ladies are bosses, managers, and important people.
“No matter who’s winning the money war between them, none of that matters when you come to the door at home; you shouldn’t be competing and comparing with your mate.”
It’s not a secret, Black men are the number one enemy in the world, everybody hates us and we can even hate each other—Black men hating other Black men. Now we already have a chip on our shoulder about that…but if you love your woman and she happens to make more than you then it’s just a detail and not the thing that should get in the way of romance. If anyone should be happy for my girl earning big it’s me.
Now if I’m jealous, that means that I gotta step my game up, but I’m not going to let that distract me from her. That’s what I see in a lot of relationships—people getting distracted by stuff. Women in those situations get the messages in movies and songs “I can replace you,” or “all I need is my money.” If that’s how you feel, then fine, don’t say anything about a relationship. But the thing is, you can’t be on top financially and then look at your spouse like he’s beneath you. If all you’re doing in a relationship is trying to prove your independence then why are you in a relationship? When you’re at home you’re a team, not coworkers. The bottom line is that partners/spouses should be happy for each other.
Is being a “ride or die” a good thing?
“Ride or Die” usually means someone who’s down for whatever no matter what. It’s a street term, so it yields street expectations. If you’re going to be a ride or die in this sense of the word, it means that you can’t complain about whatever suffering you go through. But if you really love somebody, are you going to want them to suffer for you? Of course you’re going to appreciate that they’re taking these losses for you, risking their lives and even risk going to jail for you, but if you really love the person you don’t want them to suffer or be put in situations where they would suffer. If we’re sticking with this definition then I wouldn’t want a ride or die chick because that’s not really smart.
Lauryn Hill sang: “you say that you’d die for me, why won’t you live for me?” People make these bold statements that they’ll die for you. It’s a great honor to die for me, but if you do I’m stuck here alone, why don’t you live for me? I’m not saying this to emphasize the danger aspect. Ride or die in the alternative aspect is I’m going to help you so much that neither one of us are going to suffer, I’m going to problem solve, we’re going to get through it—not be the scapegoat for it. There’s a lot of women in prison because they wanted to be the former definition of ride or die chick and now they’re not with their man and he has to get another ride or die chick to replace her.
[bctt tweet=”We’ve got to have relationships without the suffering.” username=”bliss_bcs”]
The misconception of ride or die is somebody that’s willing to suffer for you but to me is that it’s making it so that you and your partner don’t have to suffer.
Eddie L. Rogers II is an author with an intuitive, progressive and productive writing style. He incorporates insight, experience and information to create potent content for books and essays made available via the WordGardener division of his company Creaternity, Inc. Eddie is on the move bringing his current literature to life as a speaker, panel member and by facilitating discussions.
His current books Relationship starts with “RELATE”: Ending suffering in relationships and Some Afterthoughts and AfterSHOCKS are making a healthy impact on the hearts and minds of the readers!
Eddie is a husband, a parent, has a B.A. in both Psychology and Mathematics, has worked for 12 years in social services and is dedicated to making sure that Creaternity, Inc. is a SUCCESS!
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