How to raise your kids to have standards in relationships

I saw this meme over the weekend that blessed my soul:

Granted that’s how I feel too; no judgement on my future daughter’s choices in men and men who approach her, but ummm, she’s royalty, ok? My future son is too! The meme reminded me of several points of view that one could take on this quotation, but for the sake of this post, I’ll share a few points in the perspective of current parents and future parents:

Parents have to set the standard in dating and relationships for their children

Children learn what matters most in their lives at home. They learn how to see themselves and do life with others based on how they were raised at home. If you raise your child to appreciate different cultures and visit destinations both domestic and international, chances are they will be a more well rounded person, and I know several of those kind of people. When it comes to dating and relationships, you set the standard for dating and relationships.

In response to this meme today, relationships are more than what the partner can provide your daughter or son, it’s their heart towards them. For instance, a weekend in ATL (Atlanta, GA) may not be impressive to you, but a week in Dubai just might.  However, that gesture doesn’t say anything about your daughter’s suitor or what his intentions with her are (because there are rich dusties!). Raise your children to have gratitude, grace, respect, discernment and a good character.

Additionally, raising children with God’s standard in His word is best. For instance, if you know your child’s personality, strengths and weaknesses, you know if they are mature enough to date, let alone spend a weekend with the opposite sex somewhere. We can’t just raise godly kids by worldly standards and expect godly results; we are raising and royalty (See Proverbs 31:1-31). Raising both girls to become women of standard, and boys into men of integrity, neither of them settling for less in their dating and relationships. We have to apply the word of God, teach them the way they should go (i.e. honoring themselves and their partner in purity) and they will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6).

We also have the responsibility to instill esteem into them, affirming them and giving them love, discipline and guidance. Without those, they will seek it outside the home and fall prey to lifestyles and people living contrary to God’s standard (i.e. Proverbs 5). Show them love as their parent and pray that they will receive God’s love in their personal life as well.

Parents have to be the example of what a healthy relationship or singleness looks like

If you’re married, keep pursuing and dating your spouse, express your love and honor your spouse in front of your kids because it goes a long way in their learning on how this goes with the opposite sex. They will see how you treat each other, handle conflict and disagreements, responsibilities/roles in the home, and more. If you’re a single parent be careful on who you allow into your life and be discerning on allowing your family to see this person prematurely. Talk to your kids about your marriage, why you married your spouse, why you waited to have sex til marriage or didn’t. Keep it real with them.

Kids and teens these days are exposed to dating and relationships really young, so don’t think what they see is not shaping their thought process. Be the example that you want your children to emulate. It’s showing them to love and forgive one another, long suffering, patience, kindness, submission. Your kids need to see that. If not from you then a couple you trust to pour wisdom into them (See Ephesians 6:1-4).

We don’t have to be a parent to put those principles into practice now

Being a good and involved parent starts long before the child arrives in your life. Some of the things you can do to lead a healthy relationship cycle or legacy for your children, including getting deliverance from past issues, walking in wholeness and purpose, and more. You can work on being the best individual you can be, allowing God to prepare you for the responsibilities of raising the next generation after you. You can also pour into those in your family like siblings, cousins, and godchildren. You can speak life into them and be there for them, not being afraid to talk about dating and relationships either. I myself am working on being more intentional about quality time with my younger sisters.

Be led by the Lord’s Spirit, whether you’re a physical parent or not, now or in the future. An example in the Bible is Apostle Paul who considered his young apprentice Timothy his “son in the faith,” even though Paul didn’t have his own kids (1 Timothy 1) and (Philippians 2:19-23).

This thought came to me over the weekend: children are only children for so long. On average they will live a long life, with those years being in adult age. This is why it’s so important for parents to set a good example and standard for their children because they too will be adults one day soon. Whether it’s in dating, finances, faith or keeping up the home, we have a divine assignment to raise them well, with God included.

Hey parents! How are you teaching your kids/teens about dating? Share below!