What would it look like for you to embrace your mature self? Does that mean you will not change yourself constantly based on the latest fad of what might get you a husband or wife? Have you embraced being yourself or are you hiding yourself, your maturity, your brightness, your passions, goals, and dreams because you believe it isn’t acceptable for someone who wants to be a wife? What if God wants to grow you as a single believer in the various areas you’re holding back in because you’re afraid of how you’ll be perceived?
Single believers are living in some of the best of times for singles. Studies show that Millennials are getting married later, and the divorce rate is decreasing among our generation. I believe this time is such a blessing because we have access to more wisdom and knowledge as it relates to relationships, personal development, and various other areas. This wisdom and knowledge enables us to choose wisely, even if that means waiting a little longer; while waiting it allows us to become the best and brightest that we can be.
Previous generations may have gotten married young due to wanting to leave their parent’s house, the pressure of getting married young and avoiding being seen as an old maid, or simply because they thought it was the next right thing to do. However, the word of God warns us that when we set out to build something, we have to first count up the cost. That means we have to grow in our maturity to handle a thing. Marriage is a serious on-taking that requires our maturity.
“Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it?” Luke 14:28
A tower in this scripture means: a fortified structure rising to a considerable height, to repel a hostile attack or to enable a watchman to see in every direction (Strong-Lite Greek Dictionary).
To build a strong structure of anything, whether it’s a house, marriage, or even a person, we have to estimate the cost. In other words, what is it going to take? In the case of marriage, it is going to require maturity.
Many single believers have trouble embracing their mature selves due to how other people perceive them. I struggled with this in the past but realized that it was all part of the process of building me as a mature single woman who loved God and desired marriage for my future. The opinions of others can place unnecessary pressure on singles, causing them to make bad or rushed decisions during the time where God may have them in a process of maturity.
Some of the opinions we hear as singles may sound like the below:
- If you are an older single woman, it’s because you’re mean or a Jezebel.
- As a woman, you should not show a guy interest or else you’re out of order.
- You’re single at an older age because you’re doing something wrong.
Men may hear things like the below:
- Are you gay?
- What’s wrong with you?
- You don’t like me if you don’t try to have sex with me.
- As a man, you need to have a wife by your side to truly be established—rushing his process of finding the right one for the appearance of a trophy wife.
The list could go on and on about how people feel and even use of the Bible to influence us to think lower of ourselves for being single. A mature person allows these things to fade out until the voices that oppose who God is making us into no longer matter.
The Bible mentions this type of scenario in Ephesians below:
“That we may be no longer children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, in craftiness, after the wiles of error;” Ephesians 4:14 (ASV)
Not embracing our mature selves leads to instability—being tossed to and fro with the opinions and doctrines of man. Notice that it mentioned that God doesn’t want us to be like children — meaning immature — to the point of taking everyone’s word for everything.
God wants us to have a mature foundation for ourselves. This foundation comes through an intimate relationship with God, his Word, and the wisdom that comes as a byproduct of it.
We also learn and mature in other ways such as through God-ordained friendships, relationships, and leadership, but the foundation of walking with the Lord and his Word provides the discernment to notice when people are out of line for God’s purpose for us.
Embracing our mature selves allows us to embrace one of the greatest gifts of singleness: the gift of maturity. When we continue to submit to God during our single season, it builds that foundation of strength and maturity within us because submitting to God as a single person isn’t easy; there will be resistance that builds our maturity muscles if we allow it. It’s that maturity and strength that gives us the confidence to walk in the authority of who we are. It allows us to be our authentic selves unapologetically. It frees us from the trap of fear of vulnerability.
We no longer make excuses for being single. A woman is not lacking in her womanhood if she is a single woman as a mature adult nor is a single man of God lacking in his man-hood as a mature adult male. We don’t have to make an excuse for our singleness.
It’s the wrong thinking of looking at our singleness like there is something wrong that causes us to miss the blessing of embracing our mature selves. Embracing our mature selves allows us grace to glide, soar, and abide in our singleness with joy. This will attract the right people at the right time to help us along the way. Don’t change who you are or be afraid to be yourself due to fear of not being accepted or loved for who you are. Be yourself, and love all of who God made you. God loves you for you and his plan far exceeds the opinions of others. Use the opinions of others as a stepping stone to greater maturity to handle more. Also, don’t use embracing your mature self as an excuse not to take responsibility for the areas you need growth in. It’s also mature to be humble enough to admit when we’re wrong and to begin taking action to correct our missteps.
Russelyn Williams is the founder and editor of a blog called, “Intercession for A Generation.” The 7-year-old blog discusses life and relationship lessons from a Biblical perspective. The writings are targeted to the Millennial generation. She is also a published author, who has worked in radio. Russelyn interned at iHeart Media for Inspiration 1390 FM and V103 FM in Chicago. She was a guest fill-in host for a radio program sponsored by Kierra Sheard at TCM Radio, and hosted and produced a radio program at WCSU Radio. Her three published books are, “The Single Christian Woman’s Guide”, “The Wholeness Action Plan”, and “Patterns of the Heart.”
Russelyn enjoys helping women and those in her generation get to their next place in life by sharing the wisdom she’s gotten over the years. Her unique journey as a single Christian woman, who is a virgin and over 30 allows her to connect with a unique audience of single Christian women, who have felt isolated for deciding to do things God’s way. She does motivational speaking and teaching workshops geared toward healthy relationships, whole mindsets, and perspectives. Additionally, she has helped young people to make positive choices for their future by the work she’s done in teaching abstinence education in public schools, churches, and juvenile detention centers. Outside of her writing, she works full-time as a homeownership counselor and financial coach for a local housing counseling agency in the Chicagoland area. Russelyn also enjoys cooking, reading, and spending time with friends and family. To view Russelyn’s blogs visit her blogging website at www.intercession4ageneration.org. To purchase Russelyn’s books visit www.russelynwilliams.com
