The hallmark of all emotions is love. Memorable lines from movies and songs have been written by composers, writers, and authors about love more than any other topic throughout human history. Both the Bible and society agree that love is the greatest gift, but where they differ is who should receive love first.
Society has done a masterful job in teaching us to love ourselves. Popular athletes and entertainers promote self-love as the cure for most psychological or relational issues. “Learning to love yourself; it is the greatest love of all,” are the lyrics from Whitney Houston’s 1986 smash hit “Greatest Love of All.”
‘And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength’ is Gods first commandment, followed by the second: ‘Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. There is no other commandment greater than these’ Mark 12:30-31
Loving ourselves is not written as a third commandment. Many relationship experts have said we must love ourselves before we can love others, however we don’t have to embrace self-love because it is already implied. Better yet, we naturally love ourselves because of our sinful nature. There is no scripture in the Bible for us to love ourselves; after all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church (Ephesians 5:29).
“For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, high-minded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.”
2 Timothy 3:2-5 KJV
Have we noticed the first listed symptom of the perilous times in the last days is self-love? Numerous self-help books and articles were written from research that was derived from atheist European philosophers (Freud, Jung, Maslow, etc.). From this research some professors, with tenure, hammered these psycho-babblings into the minds of 18 year-old college freshmen in psychology or sociology classes.
This fake doctrine had also intertwined with scripture and seeped into Sunday morning sermons. These false teachings have been taught in many university lecture halls and preached in many pulpits across this country. “But refuse profane and old wives’ fables, and exercise thyself rather unto godliness” (1 Timothy 4:7).
What does this mean for those planning to be married? The same holds true with the commandments between husband and wife. In his letter to the Ephesians, Paul wrote that each husband must love his wife as he loves himself (Ephesians 5:33). Paul was not saying a husband must love himself before he loves his wife. That would have invalidated earlier verses with specific instructions for husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25-32).
Have we forgotten that love existed before the foundation of the world (Ephesians 1:4)? Love is not love if God is not a part of it. Humanistic psychology creates the concept of self-love that is an untruth from a Biblical standpoint. This means we believe in self and have no need for God.
We are commanded to love God and to love others as ourselves. We cannot look for love in hopes of stabilizing relationships from within. Real love is selfless love because it is never self-seeking and it focuses on others and not our own (1 Corinthians 13:5 MSG). Self-love may get us to the altar, but our marriages will end up in the grave. When we devote our lives to pleasing ourselves, we will never be satisfied until we change our focus to Christ.
What are your thoughts on self love? Share below!
Dwight E. DeRamus Jr. is a publisher, author, and speaker, but most importantly a follower of Christ. He serves as a deacon and Sunday School Superintendent at his church. He has also participated in workshops, discussion panels and interviews to a variety of audiences regarding topics of family, manhood, relationships and marriages. Born and raised in Chicago, Dwight has been married for 23 years and a proud father of two sons. You can learn more about him by checking him out on his new upcoming website at dwightderamus.com.
I read the article! It was great!
Made me think! I focused on the part about we naturally have self love. The scripture says, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart soul and mind and your Neighbor as yourself. ” I am not sure we love ourselves humanly speaking. If we did , we would take care of ourselves. We take risk physically, and mentally with ourselves we love?
Jesus says ” A new commandment I give unto you that you love one another as I have loved you!!!. If we love the way Jesus love , we would care for others the way he cares for us. That’s the way I see it in a nutshell.
Thanks for sharing, Susan!!
I read the article and I am curious about where it says we naturally have self-love? I would love for you to discuss that more it depth. I don’t think I naturally had love for myself in the way that God loves me – unconditionally, selflessly, flaws and all. Before I could reach a point of loving who I was I had to learn to love who God is and know my worth in Him because realizing my worth and love in Christ help me to love myself in a healthy way.
Hi Bria! That’s a great question! I think our guest writer Dwight wrote about natural self-love in the negative context: self-serving, full of oneself, narcissistic, vain. All of the self-love without the truth from God.