This post is part of the Journey to 30 series.
I had the privilege of interviewing Myrlande Desulme, blogger sis from iWaitedblog.com and a minister residing in Miami, Florida. We talked about purity, celibacy in 2016 and trusting God in the wait in my book Journey to 30: A Single Woman’s Guide to Living Unapologetically Without Deadlines. Not all of our conversation made the book, so here’s some exclusive content that I wanted to share that Myrlande touched on regarding marriage:
“Don’t rush into anything. If it’s one thing I’m learning in doing this purity blog and talking to married women, I’ve seen many marriages that didn’t start right and God had to restore in their relationship down the line. There wouldn’t need to be restoration and the need for God to fix marriages like many right now if the couple started things off right.”
Marriage is a godly covenant not to be taken lightly, so rushing into things can overlook a lot of character strengths and weaknesses that your partner has. Plus you want to be able to decide that, beyond what you’ve experienced and liked so far with this person, you’re willing to grow with and accept this person as they grow as well, giving them respect and love.
“If you’re rushing to get married, you’re not going to look into what this man is really about outside of the bedroom. Is he honest, faithful, and can he be trusted with money? Is he prepared to provide for you? Does he want kids when you do? I think we have it all backwards when we’re worried about getting married during the courtship process. We get focused on getting a ring after six months of courting someone and we’re not asking any real questions.”
Myrlande was saying that in the courtship process or even in dating someone with potential, your marriage timeline is not as important as discerning if this person is someone you should marry.
“God is not saying to meet a man today and get married in a month. It can happen, however if your motive is solely sex, that’s the issue. I’m not going to be dating for years and years, but I will be asking every question under the sun!”
Consider your priorities when it comes to marriage and your desired timeline. Why do you want to get married and secondly why to this person? A wedding ring and ceremony are not good reasons. Taking your time to get to know someone before you marry them sets a strong foundation for building a home, family and legacy together in the future because there’s understanding, compatibility, support and trust between you both.
“Ask about their family, generational curses, children, etc. because you have to think about your potential children and what influences they will be under regarding your husband’s family. Stop running, skipping and hopping into marriage and sit down and get to know who that man is so in case a red flag pops up you can run the other way.”
Don’t be afraid to keep it real and ask questions to them and about them! Here are some sample questions to help the ladies.
This is just a small sample of the conversation I’ve had with Myrlande in Journey to 30. You can now purchase the book and read the full interview for yourself to help strengthen your relationship with God and pursue a sexually pure lifestyle, no matter what your past was.
Be sure to Follow iWaited on social media: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram
If you’re in the Miami, Florida area, we want to meet you! I’m partnering with Myrlande for a Girls Night Out event called “Real Talk on Purity.” We’ll be taking questions from the audience as well as sharing what we’ve discussed in the book about really waiting til marriage and more.
RSVP on Eventbrite and be sure to invite your friends for this interactive discussion and book signing!
