I spend a good chunk of my workdays listening to commentary online through YouTube videos or podcasts. What I see often unfortunately is that there is a lot of negativity out there in the wild wild web, where everyone’s out to share their opinions because free speech is a given right in this country (for the most part).
What I have read recently in the book of Proverbs can sum up a lot of this negative stuff that we can’t help but see online:
“A [close-minded] fool does not delight in understanding, but only in revealing his personal opinions [unwittingly displaying his self-indulgence and his stupidity].” –Proverbs 18:2 AMP
Why am I bringing this up? Because some of the foolishness that we’re seeing online about singleness, dating and relationships are being shared from people who are acting close-minded and out of their hurts. We have to be discerning about where we’re getting our inspiration from, good or bad.
One example was from a recent video that I was listening to of a discussion between and man and woman on the topic of “why Black men aren’t getting married.” Y’all—the comments were so tragic. Granted, YouTube comments are pretty toxic because anyone can create an account and spew hatred as you please, but if you look on Twitter, Instagram and even specific Facebook groups, it’s the same there as well.
- “I honestly don’t see the benefit of marriage when the divorce rate is 50%.”
- “Getting married in the white man’s system is dangerous. Along with it comes divorce, corrupt child support, alimony, losing everything, etc.”
- “My question is why are Black women having babies prior to marriage? Why do we continue to blame men?”
These were all real comments and questions; this wasn’t the first time I’ve heard them online either. Let these comments be warnings to you—if you go date anyone who feels like this, consider that a giant red and waving flag in front of your face.
What we (women and men) should consider as we go into the last few months of this decade and enter into the 2020s, is how we are going to look to our future. I can tell that from those comments that their perspective is negative from direct or indirect past experiences. As a child who lived through divorce trauma, I could engage in the negative perspective that half or more than half of marriages don’t succeed. Or I could change my perspective through the right avenues to see that 50% of marriages are succeeding. We have to see our future from a healed and whole perspective, but not everyone is willing to go through that process spiritually and practically.
If I want to be on that success route, I can’t stay stuck in a negative mindset that will later reflect in what I say and my actions. We have to take responsibility to what we expose ourselves to and what comes out of us, especially if we are grown adults. You and I have the authority to change how we see our future and persevere for it, despite what the stats and opinions of other people say.
“Relationships and marriage are hard work and don’t always work out,” people say. Honestly, so is everything else. Car accidents happen every day, am I going to stop driving? There are shootings left and right in this country; am I going to stop going out? By this negative, fear based logic, we limit our futures to what took place in the past. But how many of us know for a fact that our past is not the factor that determines our future?
My Bible says that God works all things together for my good. This Word says that we ought to forget the former things and not dwell on the past. The Bible has countless testimonies of people who had to leave their past behind to embrace a better and brighter future.
When you feel the weight of negativity on whatever stage of life you’re in, whether you’re single or married or a parent, don’t lose your hope and your God-given perspective on what your future (already) is. Our future is going to be better than what we have directly or indirectly experienced before—we just have to believe that and unsubscribe from the foolish noise.
